Why it’s now cool to have a man crush
MICHAEL FASSBENDER has one. It’s huge and he doesn’t mind displaying it in public. He’s proud of it.
The Kerry-Kraut has a Man Crush. It’s the latest celebrity ‘accessory’: an awestruck, non-sexual attraction to another man that borders on the romantic. The object of his non-lust is Brad Pitt. Michael practically swooned over his BFF at a recent movie screening.
“Brad is a wonderful human being who has a generous soul. I have a lot of reasons to thank him. He has always been a real champion for me.”
Michael is so besotted with Mr Jolie that he’s cinematically stalking him. “I’m trying to get involved in any film he’s doing so I can be with him,” he gushed.
Fassbender is not the only A-Lister to reveal a Man Crush — or Mush in recent times. Seth Rogan has the hots for Zac Effron, Benedict Cumberbatch is infatuated with Matt Damon, Clive Owen fancies George Clooney ...
Is the current fetish for revealing Mushes a cynical publicity-grab? Madonna garnered tonnes of the latter when she set the same-sex-crush ball rolling with Britney Spears at the MTV Awards. Remember their kiss? Ever since, stars of both genders have been publicly eyeing up their same-sex co-stars to appear gay-friendly and metrosexual.
The fad has caught on so much that it’s been assigned its own day of the week. Check out Man Crush Monday on Twitter. It’s your weekly window to upload pictures of the guys you fancy (in a non-gay way). Since last September, more than 40m #MCM Instagram photos have been posted online.
I’m not gay, by the way. Not that it’s anybody’s business. It’s all love, as John Lennon said. I’m comfortable enough in my own sexuality to be able to say that a man is handsome or attractive as a person. No big deal.
I’ve had a few Man Crushes over the years, long before the term was coined. It used to be called ‘admiration’ or being ‘a fan’. One of the most abiding has been for Michael Collins. Handsome, brave and a good laugh. He’s dead, so it’s unrequited man love. Pity.
I’ve always had a thing for Jesus too. Doesn’t He qualify for the ultimate Man Crush? Then there’s Brian O’Driscoll. Nice, insanely courageous, talented, modest, inspirational... I’m getting a hot flush thinking about him. Others on my list include George Clooney, Liam Neeson (below), Bruce Springsteen ...
I couldn’t, and wouldn’t have wanted to, make such admissions as a teenager in the ’80s. Mad as it may sound now, homosexual behaviour was illegal in Ireland until 1993. My post-feminist generation did learn to cry, however, and call each other “Man”.
Manifestations of Man Love were confined to giving each other dead arms and saying ‘I love you like a brother, man’.
The latter phrase was usually deployed after drunken punch-ups between mates.
Now, homosocial intimacy is commonplace. Society has changed enough to allow men to publicly express their emotions without necessarily feeling threatened. That said, the object of your man crush may feel threatened by your declaration.
In March, 1995, Scott Amedure declared on America’s Jenny Jones Show that he had a crush on his best friend Jonathan Schmitz. The latter laughed off the revelation in front of the audience. Three days later, he killed Amedure. So be careful.
“The term ‘man crush’ has become acceptable and trendy,” says psychotherapist and counsellor, Sinead Lynch of Dublin-based SilverLinings.ie.
“People can use this phrase to say how they feel without fearing rejection or ridicule, or having questions asked about their sexuality.
“It’s almost cool to say you’ve a man crush on BOD because how could one not? He is clearly talented and successful — the best version of himself. It’s hero ‘projection’ — we admire and love what we want for ourselves.”
In extreme cases it can lead to co-dependency. Some crushers end up becoming addicted to the ‘other man’. They start dressing like them and mimicking their mannerisms.
It can all go a little Single White Male if not checked in time. And the clothes-copying may be fine if you’re into George Clooney. It’s not so great if you fancy Elton John or Jackie Healy Rae.
“This is referred to as the ‘identity crush’ — where we develop feelings for someone we admire and want to be like. This is most likely to be a friend, schoolmate or colleague,” says Lynch. “We treat them as a role model and are eager to imitate them. There is a risk of co-dependency if the admirer becomes addicted to the admired.
“This addiction is like any other: the feelings we get when we’re with one person become so strong that we want to spend all our time with them. This ‘bromance’ often develops out of our need for connection or a longing for love.
The thing to ask is: ‘What is missing in me that I gain from the other?’”
By extension, your man crush says more about you than the object of your (non) desire.
If you have a Mush on someone who is an unapologetic bed-hopping, larger lout, then the chances are that you secretly aspire to his lifestyle. Man crushes are a handy PC way to express un-PC values. They also show up the inherent vanity and superficiality of the so-called ‘stronger’ sex. The object of affection is almost always likely to be more physically attractive than the average punter. Clooney, Pitt, Law, Crowe... How about Shane MacGowan? He’s a phenomenal bon viveur and a preternaturally gifted songwriter. Man Crush? Unlikely. So is all this talk of Man Crushes good for society? Feminist writer and commentator, Anna Munsey-Kano, is not a fan of the phrase.
“Man crush and girl crush are an attempt to re-name the normal gay experience of attraction between humans of all genders,” she says.
“By creating new names for crushes which attempt to reject the sexual attraction aspect (and sometimes fail), we are suggesting that a crush is innately sexual in nature, which is untrue, unfair, and extremely limiting.
“Having loving feelings for someone of the same sex does not have to threaten your sexual orientation. You don’t have to give it a new name, like bromance. It’s ok.”
Lynch believes society can only benefit from blokes becoming more vocal about their emotions.
“Men are just getting to grips with saying how they feel about each other. Perhaps Man Crush Monday is another way to get them talking about their feelings. If so, I’m all for it.”
George Clooney: because he doesn’t dye his hair, likes practical jokes and has a pet pig.
Liam Neeson: there’s a father figure thing going on with Big Liam. He’s the kind of sensitive alpha male you want to be hugged by.
BOD: Sorry, can’t type. Too overcome with love. Let’s move on.
Brian Dobson: Oh, go on. Admit it.
The Edge: Mega-cool, Zen-like... a rock god. He never seems phased by Bono’s excesses.
Javier Bardem: Bond Villain, male stripper (for a day) and he’s married to Penélope Cruz. Lucky thing. Cruz, that is.
“Zac is incredibly handsome . . . He literally has the best body I’ve ever seen on a human being ever in my life. We literally had to write in to the scene that I couldn’t keep eye contact with him ‘cause I kept ... reaching out and touching his body like I was seeing some magical mirage or something like that.”
“He’s just so grounded. He’s so intelligent. He makes these smart choices, as an actor, as a producer, as a writer. He’s so composed. You never hear a bad word said about him. Everybody loves him. And he just sounds like he’s got his priorities right as a human being, and as an actor, he’s phenomenal.”
“I’ve spent time with George Clooney, and he’s the most interesting man on the planet. He can do it.”
“I’ve got a bit of a crush on George. . . I think he’s great.”
“Robert Pattinson? In a word? Dreamy ... I’m not gay, but I’m thinkin’ about it.”
Garfield says he can’t see why Spidey couldn’t have a male love interest. His candidate is Jordan. “I’ve been obsessed with Michael B Jordan since The Wire. He’s so charismatic and talented. ”
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