Show me the money: How much pocket money is enough?

Should you give your children pocket money and if so how much? Experts give their views on the pros and cons of financing your teenager.

AS every parent knows, the teenage years are fraught with angst and battles of will — as the youngsters try to assert their burgeoning independence while the adults try to curb their enthusiasm with boundaries and lessons which they hope will help them in later life.

It’s a time when some teens can go off the rails as they hover between childhood and adulthood and many parents feel obliged to fork out for whatever their children ask for as they don’t want them to feel left-out or different to their friends.

Child psychologist David Carey says parents should not feel obliged to give their children excessive pocket money and, in fact, whether they can afford it or not, they should keep it to a minimum to enforce a lesson in budgeting.

“Teenagers need a reasonable amount of pocket money, depending largely on family circumstances,” he says. “But parents need to be direct and to the point — simply stating the facts and letting them know the amount of pocket money they have decided on.

“There may be times when they need a little extra so parents can be reasonably flexible, and if the teen makes a good case and parents can give that little more, they should do so.”

But what if your teen puts you under pressure to give more than you’ve budgeted for?

“When the teenager says all their friends get a certain amount of pocket money, parents should simply state, ‘That’s interesting but we have to live in our budget’. So it’s important that teens do not have access to their parents’ credit card details and do not have access to their ATM card. If they have a bank account, it should be monitored from time to time.”

Dr Carey says most problems can be handled well if there is a good line of communication between parent and child and while pocket money is always going to be an issue, it is intertwined with requests to go to events and parties which may not be suitable.

“Communication is essential during the teenage years and this means listening to your teen, not being judgmental or dismissive of their interests,” he advises. “The most common issues during this time are boundaries. Your teen will want to be independent; this is a normal developmental process. You must be respectful of this and strike a proper balance between permissiveness and rigid rules.

“Teens will want to stay out late at night and attend youth discos and parties. Good guidelines around this are important, but it is important to remember that you can’t properly raise a teenager by giving in to all requests or bestowing on them material things and money.”

Child psychologist Peadar Maxwell says doling out pocket money isn’t obligatory and parents should do what works best for them.

“Whether children should even have pocket money is a bone of contention,” he says. “Many parents feel it is a right for their child while others see it as a risk factor — in other words, children will buy things their parents don’t want them to have.”

Before you make a decision either way, think about the advantages and disadvantages of your child having pocket money, he says.

“Having their own, however small, spending power could lead to a sense of being independent and feeling trusted, but having too much money might mean your child will spend it all on what you consider to be rubbish or other things they shouldn’t have.”

There are a lot of things to consider around the issue of pocket money.

“Earning money is a valuable lesson for children of all ages and it can be very motivating,” says Maxwell. “Give your child chores to earn money, but be fair and realistic about what they can do and let them know in advance what they will earn.

“Relate the amount of pocket money to your child’s age, chores completed and their needs: some older children may need to pay for a bus fare or their own food in certain situations.

“It is also important for parents to teach their children about savings, so have an account or savings jar and teach them the valuable skill of saving up for something they really would like to have.”

While children of wealthy parents may be heading off on exotic trips and have the latest gadgets, Rita Reilly from Parentline says it’s important to keep things in perspective.

“Parents should keep an eye on what their children are doing to know how much money they need. They may have to alter the amount as they grow older or if something unusual comes up, but ultimately it’s not a good idea to try to keep up with friends.”

* For more advice visit www.parentline.ie