I LIKE quirky ideas. I like solutions. We need more of them. I respect people who fundraise to make the world a better place. I dislike terrifying diseases that indiscriminately target innocent people and, still all too often, kill them.
Yes, cancer, I’m looking at you: stay back, keep your distance. But — and you knew there was a but, didn’t you? — is this no-make-up selfie craze to be over yet?
‘But,’ I hear you protest, ‘it generated €1m for the Irish Cancer Society in a week’. That’s a pretty persuasive argument that I can’t refute.
But I won’t be contributing to the craze. My small, annual donation was made last Friday for Daffodil Day. I’m comfortable with that; my conscience is clear.
I do, of course, get that I’m in the minority on this issue. I’m not alone, though. My colleague, Karen Funnell, a lady who knows far more about the subject than I do, having successfully battled breast cancer, wrote movingly, in these pages, recently about her decision to reject a Facebook nomination to do a no-make-up selfie.
“I detest selfies,” she wrote. “Call me vain, self-centred, or just plain old silly — but, for me, life is better with make-up.” Karen, you’re not vain, self-centred or silly, but I wholeheartedly agree with your analysis of selfies and make-up.
Selfies irk me. A few weeks ago, Wojciech Szczesny, the Arsenal goalkeeper, took a series of selfies after the plucky, but somewhat lucky, 1-0 win over local rivals, Tottenham.
This despite dozens of photographers taking pictures of Arsenal players celebrating.
What happened next? Six days later, our camera-loving friend was beaten in goal half-a-dozen times, as Arsenal’s admittedly slim hopes of winning the Premier League went up in smoke after a 6-0 drubbing against Chelsea.
Tottenham winger Andros Townsend couldn’t resist the temptation to tweet: “Who thinks we will see another selfie from him (Szczesny) after today’s game?”
Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?
To be honest, I struggle to understand people who routinely upload dozens of almost identical pictures of themselves.
So, with the greatest of respect, I’d prefer if my Facebook page or Twitter handle wasn’t bombarded with ladies without their face on. (Confession: The reason I’m writing about this is a somewhat tasteless joke I made about the no make-up selfie phenomenon that was overheard by the wrong person. In said joke, I made the point that the craze reminded me of a booze-addled one-night stand, where you leave a club with an Angelina Jolie lookalike, but wake up next morning next to someone resembling Danny DeVito).
Of course, there’s an obvious solution to this issue. Give social media a miss until the craze, like all passing fads, departs after its 10 minutes of fame.
That would be the mature thing to do. However, like many people my age, I struggle to stay away.
Social media allows me to vent at any time of the day or night. Staying away may be an option, but it isn’t a realistic one. It’s not that I can’t quit; I simply don’t want to.
But I don’t want to look at women without their face on, either.
Let’s face facts: there’s a reason make-up companies don’t go bust. There’s a reason make-up doesn’t come cheap. Like Ronseal, it does exactly what it says on the tin: it improves looks and that, in turn, lifts confidence, which attracts us guys.
It’s an easier and cheaper world for us — a shower, a shave, a splash of deodorant and a quick brush of the teeth and we’re good to go. We can be ready in 10 minutes. Women... well, can’t. It’s not fair. But tough.
Of course, as we have discovered through the no-make-up selfie craze, there are exceptions to every rule.
Rihanna looks no less incredible make-up free.
Same applies to Beyonce. And Demi Lovato. And Kelly Brook. And others.
But, in the same way that I’ll sadly never be mistaken for Daniel Craig, Henry Cavill or George Clooney, there aren’t that many Rihanna, Beyonce, Demi Lovato or Kelly Brook lookalikes around.
If there’s a consolation — and it’s a very, very small one, I concede — it’s that there are far more of us than there are of them.
And don’t even get me started on the spectacle of men going round sporting make-up for this craze… Woof!