Work guilt for new mothers

THREE in five mums regret returning to work so early after childbirth, while 80% feel guilty about going back to work at all, say new studies.

The number of working mums in Ireland is 329,000 (Census 2011), and while they’re not all new mums who’ve just returned to work, that’s a lot of guilt.

Guilt is huge for women, says parent and relationships mentor, Sheila O’Malley ( www.practicalparenting.ie).

“When I’m working in companies, I meet women with three kids, who are commuting on the top of the job. They’re all the time suffering from guilt.”

A study of 2,000 British mums found their number one reason for returning to work was financial pressure. This was followed by: ¦ ‘Wanting’ to return ¦ Fearing ‘being overlooked’ in the workplace ¦ Wanting to ‘maintain a solid career path’ ¦ Believing there was ‘social stigma to not working’.

With motivations likely to be similar here, O’Malley’s advice for ‘work guilt’ is simple: bin it.

“Most women return to work because they don’t have a choice. Guilt will do nothing for you, except make you feel rotten — it’ll impact negatively on your mood,” she says.

If you’re returning to work out of choice, then guilt is a signal to find a new perspective. We worry about letting others down, but “you let yourself down if you don’t create boundaries,” says O’Malley. “Many women are definitely happier working, even part-time. What a child needs is a mother who’s happy.”

Setting in place good childcare is vital. “A good childminder is everything. What a child needs is an adult who’s very much present to them in the way they need — that may not be the mother.”

Work gives us social connectedness, engagement and a feeling of a job well done. O’Malley says: “I meet many mothers who work four-day weeks. Talk to your employers about flexible working arrangements, particularly if you’ve been with them a long time and are good at what you do. You might have to downgrade slightly and earn less money.”

She recommends that women not returning to work should “find something that replaces what work gave them. Mums have to realise they need time for themselves, time as a couple and time for their children. Put yourself at the top.”

TIPS

¦ Schedule your first day back later in the week, so it’s short.

¦ Have back-up childcare for when child gets sick.

¦ Ask for support from partner, family and friends.

¦ Be kind to yourself — no comparing yourself to other mums.