Erectile dysfunction real culprit in fear of wearing condoms

¦ I’m dating again in my early fifties having divorced my wife eight months ago. I want to use condoms because protection is important.

However, I find that I can’t climax when wearing them. Is my age to blame for the loss of nerve endings or is it just because I’m out of practice with them? >>

It’s a combination of your age and the perception that wearing a condom diminishes sensitivity, but you don’t have a choice. Condoms are the only way you can protect yourself from contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI) so not wearing one isn’t an option.

It’s impossible to estimate how many lives have been saved by condoms, but we do know that middle-aged men, like yourself, don’t wear them often enough.

According to the Health Protection Agency, there was a 53% increase in the incidence of gonorrhoea among men aged 45-64 between 1999 and 2008.

In the same age group, the rate of herpes increased by 130%, and there were 17,000 new HIV diagnoses.

The escalation of STIs in older people has been linked to baby boomers who were either married or cohabiting before the eighties’ epidemic.

Personally, I think erectile insecurity is the real culprit.

The male erection becomes less reliable with age and middle-aged men, like yourself, are understandably apprehensive about using a product that interrupts flow and diminishes sexual sensitivity.

Even though the actual disruption is often minimal, and condoms are now so thin that you can hardly feel them, once a man has lost an erection, or failed to climax once, the fear that it will happen again creates a vicious circle where worrying about it ensures that it will.

If we were all a bit more honest about the fact that using condoms is an awkward necessity, men might feel less neurotic and women might feel more obliged to help out.

A soft erection or a tardy orgasm can be easily rectified with a little extra stimulation, but it can feel humiliating to have to ask a new partner to help out. In reality, that embarrassment generally cuts both ways.

Women over 40 need more stimulation to reach orgasm too, so the extra effort often ends up being reciprocal.

Hopefully, you will find a regular partner soon and when that happens “his and hers” sexual health screenings can eliminate the need for condoms, as long as you are both monogamous and your partner is using contraception, if required. Until then, wearing a condom when you masturbate will help you to get used to the sensation.

It will also give you an opportunity to try out several different brands so that you can work out which one feels most comfortable. Use lubrication inside and outside the condom to reduce the rubbery feel, however, make sure you use a water-based lubricant (oil erodes latex) unless you are using a polyisoprene condom.

Although it seems a bit counterintuitive, tighter-fitting condoms delay ejaculation so avoid products labelled “snug” or “slimfit”. You should obviously avoid “delay” condoms that contain either benzocaine, or lidocaine, to prolong sex, but you might be interested in the CSD500 condom, which will be launched under the Trojan brand later this year.

The condom contains a chemical called glyceryl trinitrate which causes blood vessels in the penis to dilate. This apparently boosts the size of the male erection and also serves to anchor the condom in place making slippage less likely. Nicknamed the Viagra condom, it promises to do an awful lot for safe sex.

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