How to win the waiting game

Younger children just don’t understand why they need to hurry, says Helen O’Callaghan.

YOU leave your five-year-old to get dressed, and 10 minutes later, he has got just one sock on.

Dawdling is one of the most frustrating and common childhood problems, says Joanna Fortune, clinical psychotherapist and director of Solamh Parent-Child Relationship Clinic.

“Some parents feel their child is ignoring them, which exasperates them even more, but that’s rarely the case,” she says.

When you ask your child to put away his toys and next time you look, he hasn’t even started doing so, it’s more likely he’s engrossed in an activity and finds it hard to transition out of it.

“Very young children in particular — three- to sixyear-olds — don’t have the self-regulation or discipline to transition easily,” says Fortune, who recommends against becoming short-tempered and using a harsh tone to tell children ‘hurry up, come on’. “This approach just makes things tense for the child because they don’t link their dawdling with a parent’s exasperation,” she says.

“And even if they do hurry this time, they’re only doing so because you shouted, not because they know they’re slowing things up.”

Better to get down to eye-level with the child and to say: “I see you’re having lots of fun. Now it’s time to go. We’re going to school/park/ have lunch. Tidy up, get your coat, come with me.” Three steps are more than enough for any child, cautions Fortune.

By about age seven, many children will have grown out of dawdling, but if yours hasn’t, it could be to do with their personality – he just likes to linger. Fortune advises setting your alarm or starting to move things in the direction you want 10 minutes earlier to get to the same place at the same time.

No matter how frustrated you are, keep your cool. Firmly remind your child: “I’ve asked you twice now. This is what you need to do.”

“Explain the consequences of dawdling,” says Fortune. “If you don’t hurry, we’ll have less time for a story at bedtime or you’ll miss breakfast in the crèche.”

Parents should ask themselves how they are around time. “They need to be aware of their own role-modelling around time-keeping and being prompt,” she says.

TIPS

¦ Help child identify difference between dawdling and cooperating with you as parent.

¦ Make consequences logical, respectful, reasonable and relevant.

¦ Be aware you might have a slower-paced child. Be fair to them, appreciate them and build in time for delays.

¦ State step-by-step what you’re asking of your child: now it’s time to get dressed, now let’s go get breakfast.