I feel I’m missing out on fantastic sex with my husband

We all assume that sex should be spontaneous, yet planning and scheduling, is an unparalleled form of foreplay.

¦ I met and married my husband quite young. He was, and has remained, the only man I have ever slept with. We have been together 11 years and our sex life is fine, but not amazing. When I hear about people having fantastic sex with their partners, I wonder what I have missed and whether I will ever experience that intensity. My marriage is happy but I worry that a large part of my life has been lost. >> Marrying the first man you have sex with does limit your opportunities to experiment, but it also eliminates a lot of heartache and disappointment — and, God forbid, the odd sexually transmitted infection.

It is also worth pointing out that, after more than a decade of monogamy, very few couples have as many good things to say about their marriage as you do, so the first thing to say is that you are doing well. But, yes, you are right to feel entitled to “fantastic” sex.