10 Things not to say to a pregnant woman

Suzanne Harrington has been grilled, poked and prodded while pregnant. Here are her suggested put-offs to avoid when chatting to a woman in the family way.

1. Thanks for noticing, but she will be fully aware of her bump herself. From her fat ankles to her fat fingers to her fat earlobes, she will be feeling the enormity of herself without anyone else having to point it out. She knows quite well she looks like a whale that has swallowed a space hopper, except this is a space hopper filled with cement that is sitting directly on her pelvic floor and making her want to wee every ten minutes and wince as she walks. Don’t make it any worse. Admire her glossy hair and glowing skin, then shut up.

2. Oooooh, can I feel the bump? No you can’t! Would you ask anyone else if you could lay hands on their body, unless you were (a) in an intimate relationship with them or (b) an evangelical pastor? No you would not. Keep your hands to yourself, no matter how well meaning they are. Nobody likes being pawed, especially pregnant women who can’t even bear the feel of their own t-shirts. She’ll be too embarrassed to say no, but you will be massively invading her personal space unless you and she are very close. A pregnant woman is not public property, no matter what you’ve read.