Pity just another form of victim abuse for Fox and Seoige?

In 1985, as the 24-year-old star of the classic film, Back to the Future, Michael J Fox was at the height of his fame, raucously living a life of luxury with a beverage in both hands.

Tue, 22 Oct, 2013 - 01:00

Now, Fox is trawling the PR trail to promote his new TV show, The Michael J Fox Show. That’s remarkable because Fox was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 1991 and told he would be lucky to be able to work at 40 years of age.

Aged 52, with a marriage of 25 years and four children, our lovable Marty McFly — the character he played in Back to the Future — is still fighting the odds, starring in a show inspired by his life.

In a recent interview with The Guardian newspaper, Fox displayed an optimism similar to McFly’s.

“Pity is just another form of abuse,” Fox said, when asked him why he hadn’t played the ‘poor me’ card when diagnosed with a degenerative disease that has no cure.

Fox’s stoicism and determination are to be admired and emulated.

There is dignity in Fox’s dutifulness to his family and himself, and to the community of Parkinson’s sufferers.

He has a great acceptance of his illness. There is no room in Michael’s life for pity.

Director of Counselling Psychology at Trinity College, Ladislav Timulak said classifying pity as abuse is harsh, but pity can have a negative effect on people.

“Abuse is too strong a word, it suggests intent. However, when someone is the object of pity, they can end up dealing with their own problems and the worry of others.

“It can become a secondary burden and can isolate a person. They may not want to interact, and end up withdrawing in an attempt to avoid burdening others with their pain.”

In this way, pity can be an inadvertent form of discrimination, by highlighting a person and creating a barrier between that individual and the people they know.

Dr Timulak, who is also the co-editor-in-chief of Counselling Psychology Quarterly, said calm support is the best way to help someone experiencing difficulties.

TV and radio presenter, Sile Seoige, 33, who battled thyroid cancer in 2012, said when she was dealing with her illness, pity annoyed her.

“I kept it to myself for a while, but when the news broke, there were a few puppy dog eyes. One guy at work hugged me three times.

“I just felt like saying, ‘look, I am not a freak, I am the same girl’.

“It really made me think about how I treat people who are dealing with things in their life. I realised the importance of respecting people and letting them decide how it goes.

“Pity doesn’t help, I understand that people’s hearts are in the right place, but it can set you off for no reason.

Sile said she wouldn’t describe herself as an excessively positive person, but as an optimistic realist. “When I found out I had cancer, I just went, ‘right, I just have to get on with this and make sense of it’.

“I suppose I was very pragmatic about it. I saw it as a challenge and I wasn’t going to lie down and take it. That is just not in my nature.

“I asked the doctors what I needed to do and I said ‘fair enough’ and did it.”

“I am a believer in science and the power of the mind and the two together are a magical combination.

“I think a strong mental attitude is very important.”

Although Sile took her illness in her stride, she still appreciates people’s concern.

“People still ask me, from time to time, how I am doing and it is nice, they are delighted to see me doing well.”

It is a cringy, but popular, trend to tweet words of wisdom with the hashtag ‘positivity’ linking everyone’s profound thoughts together in one sickly-sweet thread of verbal happiness.

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. Leo Tolstoy #positivity #bew
— JQVE (@iVokalz) October 21, 2013

This act of tweeting poignant enthusiasm can be understandably difficult to digest in recessional Ireland.

However, it appears to be winning people over.

Journalist and PR consultant, Miriam Donohoe has been helping #positiveireland grow over the last three years and the popularity of the thread has soared.

“People tweet all kinds of things, from job announcements and sunny pictures to random tweets of positive thoughts.

“I think Ireland has been through a rough time lately and positive thinking can overcome a lot. I am not naive, I know positive thinking will not instantly get people lots of money or a job offer, but it can definitely get you on the right path.

“It is better to be positive than negative.”

Latest survey of business sentiment shows tourism confidence on way back up...#positiveireland http://t.co/yLmx9y35Gz
— Alex Connolly (@Swift1745) October 21, 2013