We need to be role models for girls

I RECENTLY attended the launch of a photographic exhibition, called Her Story, staged by Plan Ireland as part of their Because I Am A Girl campaign. The photos by Jason Clarke featured portrait shots of girls of all ages from both Ireland and Sierra Leone. The differences in circumstances of the girls from two very different worlds were obvious and made for a captivating exhibition. But what is the reality for Irish girls today?

I have three daughters and I am convinced that growing up today is much more complicated than it was in my day, although lots of things are the same. My girls love One Direction with a fervour that I once felt about Donny Osmond. They ache for the latest Converse shoes, in just the same way I once did for proper Levi jeans. Teenage years are as full of angst today as they were in the 1970s, as girls strive to deal with their changing bodies and work out who they really are. But back in the ’70s we were free to work it all out at our own pace and without much interference from the outside world. Today it is different.

Our girls are bombarded with the same disturbing message. It arrives in music videos, in films, in advertising and even sometimes in the news media. That message tells them that their worth as girls shall be judged first and foremost on their ability to be sexually attractive. Even more sinister is the fact that often when this message is queried or criticised, it is often dressed up as being empowering to women.

My generation were probably the first generation of women who were told that we could ‘have it all’. We discovered the reality was that we couldn’t have it all and remain sane unless we were wealthy enough to afford to pay for excellent child minders and have a live-in housekeeper.

But my daughters are also being told that, along with having it all, they must look impossibly fabulous all the time. Is it any wonder we have a problem with childhood obesity? I don’t think it’s all due to the fact that our children spend a lot of time online. Our girls may also be comforting themselves with food as they realise they will never look like the women they see in the media.

How do we counter this awful culture which has recently been perfectly illustrated by Miley Cyrus? I don’t have the complete answer but I do think that campaigns such as the #everydaysexism hashtag on Twitter where users are asked to shout out examples of sexism can help. Social media is the only media we, the consumers of media, ‘own’. We need to ensure we use to it to empower our girls.

We all know the saying, ‘We cannot be what we cannot see’. If all our girls are seeing are impossibly beautifully women who have been airbrushed and styled to within an inch of their lives; if all they see are young women acting like porn stars, how are they meant to find their own place in the world?

It is more vital than ever that we, the mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, aunts and female teachers, must work hard to present our girls with an alternative version of empowered womanhood. In a world increasingly devoid of positive, real, independent, strong women we must be what they cannot see.

HOW CAN YOU PROTECT YOUNG CHILDREN FROM PORNOGRAPHY?

1. Enable the parental controls on all the wireless-enabled devices at home. You may have to roam around their websites to find instructions, and you’ll need your account details to access them.

2. Limit internet access to a computer in a room such as the kitchen, where adults are around, and can keep an eye on the websites being viewed.

3. Do all you can to avoid your children having a smartphone; the older they are, the more able they will be to cope with instant access to porn.

4. Start talking about the dangers of the internet and sexualisation of society with children even as early as 8, 9,10 or 11. Speak in an age-appropriate manner and tell them that they can ask you any questions about the subject. Ask them what they think about it so they feel empowered. Be light-hearted and don’t be afraid to communicate your values about sex and love. It’s great if father and mother have these conversations with children.

5. Talk to schools about what kind of sex education your child is receiving and talk to your child about it.