How to avoid bedlam at bedtime

HOW do you get your children to bed at a decent hour, especially now that school is back?

It’s quite a common dilemma for parents, according to Siobhán O’Neill-White, director of www.mumstown.ie, who says obstacles to a good bedtime routine can range from eating sugary foods too late in the evening to not wanting to leave the excitement if older siblings are still up.

“We try to put our four children, who are aged from 10 down to two, to bed at the same time to avoid this. I’m happy enough if they’re all asleep by 9pm,” she says.

“But if they can hear other children playing outside, that’s very disruptive — they think it’s unfair they’re in bed when others are out. “

A question that often comes up on the website, says ONeill-White, is whether it’s appropriate to ask other parents to have their children indoors at a certain time. Parent coach Val Mullally says difficulties around children’s bedtime is a phase and needs to be managed gently.

She suggests a tool called HALT for when things are getting out of control and your child’s beginning to get upset: -H: “Ask: is he hungry or thirsty? Did you give him a good solid supper to see him through the night? If he’s thirsty, give him water, nothing else.”

A: “Is he angry or anxious? Maybe he’s anxious about something to do with school next day or some other strong emotion is upsetting him. Once a child is settled in bed, it can be a very good time to find out what else is going on in his life. Listen enough to bring down his anxiety level and commit to talking about it again next day.”

L: “Is he lonely? Maybe he hasn’t yet made any friends at school. Maybe you’ve got too involved in your own life and you’re not spending as much quality time with him now that school’s back.”

T: “If he’s over-tired, he won’t be able to settle. If routines have gone out of sync over the past few months, gradually bring bedtime forward. Over a week, move it back by 15 minutes each evening. Keep the same routine over the weekend. Ask: is your child running a temperature. He could be playing up if he’s feeling unwell.”

* An online resource will soon be released on www.koemba.com, giving insights into the neuroscience around children’s challenging behaviours.