Watch out for homesickness

SCHOOL holidays: season of Gaeltacht trips and summer camps — and homesickness.

Aside from the sadness and dread, homesickness can have very definite physical and cognitive symptoms, says Joanna Fortune, clinical psychotherapist and director of Solamh Parent-Child Relationship Clinic.

“Children may get tummy ache or say, ‘I’m going to get sick’. This can be very real, though caused by emotions. Cognitively, children can become preoccupied by thoughts of home and long to be there.”

Spending time away from parents is good for children, developing for them a sense of ‘people-permanency’ — the realisation that ‘even if I don’t see you, you still exist’ — but it has to happen at an appropriate age.

“You can leave even very young children with someone familiar with whom they have an attachment — like grandparents — but young children shouldn’t spend long periods away from parents,” says Fortune, who believes under seven is too young.

“These children are still developing attachment. In fact, many summer camps only take over 12s.”

Preparation prior to a trip away is essential, says Fortune. “U12s are still learning to regulate their emotions, which they do by co-regulating with parents — they take their lead from parents.

“Embarking on something new and strange, if mum and dad are super-positive about it, they take their lead from them. But if mum is anxious about the child going to summer camp, saying ‘call me if you’re lonely’ — that plants the idea in the child’s head that this might be a lonely, scary place.”

It’s also important to do a practice run. Prior to child going away on a week-long trip, have them go away for an afternoon, an entire Saturday, two nights together after they’ve experienced one over-night period away.

“Give the child a little bit of home to take with them. Their ‘home pack’ could contain their pillow, favourite pyjamas, a photo of them with mum and dad, a photo of their pet — little bits of home,” says Fortune, who counsels against asking the child, ‘How are you?’ when they’re away.

“This is too vague and allows the child to say ‘I want to go home’. Instead, say, ‘Tell me the best thing that has happened so far’.