Summer holiday tips for parents with kids aged 12-15
You just want to make it all go away. If your kids are aged 12 to 15, you’ve got a real dilemma — too old for a babysitter, they’re still too young to be left on their own all day.
For many working parents, this three-month span of unstructured time isn’t on their radar when first sending their child to school.
“They don’t see it coming,” says Mary Forrest, clinical lead with Crosscare Teen Counselling. “Parents often resort to letting kids sleep late. The flip side is the child’s staying up late at night. Their day and night rhythm is all messed up.”
Things have changed since the Celtic Tiger, says Forrest. “There was money for Gaeltacht courses and trips abroad. A parent might let their child go to Spain with a friend’s family and then their child would go to France with your family. Swapping holidays took care of four weeks. That’s not happening now.”
And no wonder — a three-week stint in the Gaeltacht will cost parents €800-€900.
Damian O’Neill of www.fundays.ie says summer camp prices are coming down. He cites a week-long cookery school for €250, an outdoor activity camp for €195 and an arts and crafts programme for under €100.
A dad of teens, O’Neill urges parents to choose a camp that will stimulate your child’s interest. “You want to get them away from the Xbox but it has to be good to do that — they have to be engaged.”
Parentline CEO Rita O’Reilly recalls plenty discussion about cost/availability of childcare for pre-schoolers when her kids were small. “The problem came when they were in secondary school. Up to age 12, they were happy to go to crèche or with a minder.”
O’Reilly cites parental school holiday worries as:
* Will they stay in bed all day or endlessly surf the internet?
* Will your house be a ‘free gaff’, where kids get up to all sorts of mischief?
* Will a more introverted child feel abandoned?
“Three months with nothing to do, just floating around, isn’t good for teen brains,” says family mediator Fiona McAuslan. Mum to two teens, she believes in keeping in really good contact with them during school holidays. “I’m lifting the phone, chatting, asking ‘what have you been doing? What are you planning?’ I’m not quizzing but I’m engaged. One rule is they have to pick up when they see my number.”
McAuslan urges parents to expect something of teens during holidays. “Young teens are moving from being cared for to being expected to take responsibility. Part of that involves being a functioning member of the household. I leave shopping lists for my two.”
She encourages parents to say to their child: ‘Our expectation is you will be busy and contribute to the house. You’re off for three months. We’re not. You’re a fully paid up member of this household — we’re not going to come into a messy house. You do your dishes. You clean up after you.’
“Of course, you ensure they do relaxing, fun stuff,” says McAuslan. “They need to hang out, but don’t let teens get too bored. Spread your leave so they don’t have any entire month on their own. Some parents work three-day weeks for a couple of weeks.”
Dr Patrick Ryan, director of Clinical Psychology at UL and author of You Can’t Make Me, How to Get the Best Out of Your Teenager, says parents worry teens will get into serious trouble during long holidays. “The vast bulk don’t. In fact, they thrive on that bit more freedom coupled with helping out a little more at home — looking after younger siblings, keeping the garden tidy for extra pocket money or earning a few euro washing neighbours’ cars.”
Ryan points to one ‘task’ of 13 to 15-year-olds — learning to be more independent. “Summer’s a good time for that because their peer group’s available in a qualitatively different way to the rest of the year. School and hobby demands recede, allowing space for teens to connect less formally. They learn about their own identity, how their friends are. They find their feet.”
Getting teens involved in group activities during summer holidays is important. So is letting them have unscheduled free time.
Ryan urges parents to engage with teens about what’s expected of them, things you don’t want happening in your home, what they should do if unsure about something when parent’s not there.
“One useful rule is: ‘Yes, you can meet your friends but you need to let me know what time you’re going, where you’re going, for how long and when you’ll be back — and you need to stick to that’.”
* Parentline: 1890 927277.
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