Coming out of the crammed closet

He lifted me in his arms, wrestling my urgent heftiness with a swearing stagger up the stairs.

Coming out of the crammed closet

Imagining an X-rated slither over the en-suite tile, I toed the immersion switch with a deft welly as we lurched by. He fell through my bedroom door, took one sweated look around, and... dropped me.

What is it that reduces otherwise organised housekeepers to adolescent cupboard crammers in their own bedrooms?

If your clothes are routinely exploded over every surface, it’s time to sort out that failing vertical trunk — the master wardrobe.

CLOSETED: Every infant in the US has a closet, but in Ireland, a walk-in wardrobe or even roomy doored cupboard is interior landscaping for celebrity presenters on RTÉ. If you’re renovating or building, consider carving out one corner in a dedicated tiny room for clothes. Taking the size of a standard double wardrobe for two adults at 200cm, and double chest of drawers 80cm, plus the circulating space around them, it can deliver floor space and pare back visual clutter. Keeping in mind that you will need at least 60cm width to hang adult clothes and enough room to stand in front of one rail or between two with ease. If you include banks of shelving with drawers, the drawers must open without pining you to the facing wall. The closet doesn’t need a window, but include passive ventilation to reduce dust and odours. Sliding access doors, termed ‘pocket’ doors if they roll into the wall, will save your ankles being skimmed where every centimetre counts.

CHEAP CHEATS WARDROBE: Curtaining off a lost corner or roomy recess is ideal for Carrie Bradshaw clothes hoarders and will set you back no more than €75 for materials. Find a firm fixing point for a stout rail and fixings, (fat chrome shower poles are ideal), plus a fabric that will agree with your décor. A lined curtain twice the width of the pole will add a more pleasing physical and visual weight. You can paper or paint the interior to underscore its presence, add lighting and of course shelving and other interior tailoring. Keep in mind that the room in a corner is not that of a rectangular void. Mock up the space first. Screening off rails by any means in a guest room, still retains its function as occasional accommodation. Canvas wardrobes are another solution with single campaign styles starting at around €100 with rails, shelving and a simple set up.

FRAMES: Suitable for tailoring a walk-in, or standing alone in a room, wall mounted, framed-in modular solutions; with and without doors, take their key from the clothes boutique. In the control of a truly tidy person, they can work wonders. Super shelves can be pulled apart at will and added to as your needs change and feature open platforms, integrated small chests and hanging space rather than large areas of blind door. If you have to shoulder your present wardrobe door shut over a blizzard of unfolded clothes, this airy display style is not for you. Micro-organising the space and folding are vital to realising any kind of working arrangement in open frames outside the lifestyle shots in an IKEA catalogue. Relax from B&Q is uncompromisingly modern in white or walnut or for a non-nonsense system try Easy-Build or Elfa from Howards Storage World. www.hsw.ie.

BUILT IN: Streamlining a wall in built-in wardrobes makes a lot of sense, and with the range of doors over a carcass of shelves, hanging space and pull out detailing, you can strike any style, bar formal period. A vintage traditional room has freestanding storage furniture rather than the structural elements of a built in wardrobe. If your finances can’t manage made to measure, it’s possible to terrace independent wardrobes with standard swing doors or sliders. For example standard sizing of cheap Hygena from Argos you can assemble a relatively bespoke arrangement. Add ‘in-fill panels, kick boards and end panels to stitch the ‘robe to it surrounds and to mimic more expensive true built-ins. Vouch for semi-assembly if you’re offered the option as this merely means screwing boxes together not fashioning drawers from an exploded diagram. For all their advantages, ill chosen built-ins can be spatial gangsters leering, vinyl wrapped, from floor to ceiling. Look for abstract, unobtrusive choices. We love Slide-Glide Irish products and their 3D CAD service, perfect for visualising the final finish in sliders, hinged wardrobes and walk-ins. www.slideglide.ie.

WHAT LIES BENEATH: Take an honest look at your ballast of apparel (add 15% for future indulgence by volume). Micro-organising the interior of a wardrobe is intelligent but it can cost as much as the wardrobes themselves. If you’re love of shoes borders on obsession, dedicated sliding racks may be a priority that will save the price of those Jimmy Choos getting scuffed.

Keep in mind that with all modulars, the further you move away from standard sizing in frames or doors (sliders included) and the more articulated the piece, the more expensive the whole adventure becomes.

Drawers can be especially pricey compared to open shelving. Having fittings included beyond bare rails and soft-close technology is becoming more common in high street offers.

System rack shelving intended for garages and utility rooms can perform a star turn as interior fittings for a wardrobe too, so fashion your own collection.

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