I finished up with my boyfriend six months ago but miss sex

Q. I am 35 years old and six months ago broke up with a long-term boyfriend.

It was my decision to end the relationship but I find I am missing the regular sex. I know I should wait until I’m in another relationship but there are days when I want to have sex right now, not next year.

A. You are an adult woman with your own unique sexual story — this did not end with the break-up of your relationship. Six months on and it’s understandable that you want to be sexual again.

Before you head out on the dating scene, take a step back and look at the sexual relationship you had with your ex-boyfriend. As with many long-term couples who settle into a relaxed pattern, I imagine your sex life was working well for you. But it’s probably more than this you are missing.

Intimacy is not just sexual intimacy but is also the emotional connection. Into this add in the physical part. This is the affectionate side, like kissing, hugging and touching. Then we have the operating intimacy, which is doing things such as preparing a meal, playing sport, going for a walk. The list is endless and different for every couple. The intimacy is the glue in a relationship and sexual intimacy is part of the mix.

Ending a relationship is difficult just as much for the one who has ended it as well for the one who was left behind.

The feelings are the same except one feels rejected and the other feels guilty. The other emotions of loss are the same. This period of grief can take time. The closeness is gone and you are lonely and the fact you’ve got no sexual partner is beginning to sink in.

As an adult you have choices about when to have sex and with what person.

There is more freedom nowadays. If you have casual sex with someone you have just met in a nightclub how will you feel? It is not as simple as just the sex — or is it?

As long as any decisions you make are part of your personal values then your experiences will feel OK and will probably be pleasurable.

Casual encounters may sound easy and appeal to your need for sexual release but, regardless, you must behave responsibly and practice safe sex.

For many casual sex is not part of their values. It can, however, for some ease the pain and it is great to feel touch again.

Going out, dating and meeting people can be awkward if you have been out of the scene for some time. Being sexual with someone new can be a little scary.

In the meantime don’t stop exploring your own sexuality. Become sexually comfortable with your own body by self-touch. Think about sensuality and the joy of simple body touch. This is often lost when people think of sex as quick gratification.

If casual sex is on the agenda, be responsible and take precautions. You have a choice — safety comes first.

* Marie Daly is a psychosexual therapist Please send your letters to [e-mail]