FEATURE: What to do if your child is being disruptive?

IT’S the phone call no parent wants — the teacher rings to say Johnny is disruptive in class, or Jenny is causing difficulties for her classmates.

Despite the understandable worry that you have a problem child, take heart, says family mediator, Fiona McAuslan.

“It happens to more parents than you realise. A lot of successful, healthy adults have been these kids. Try not to see it as a sentence of trouble — simply as a teacher needing your support to tackle something that will ultimately be of benefit to your child.”

So it’s not helpful to say, ‘My child would never do such a thing’. Nor to shut down or get aggressive — all behaviours that stop you hearing something you might need to hear. The best approach is to stay calm, listen, ask to come into the school to meet the teacher and talk things through.

“Take somebody along with you to that meeting, so there are two sets of ears — somebody who’s calm, will listen well and be a good support,” says McAuslan.

At the meeting, listen to what the teacher is saying. “This isn’t agreeing, but gaining information about what’s going on. Ask for specific incidents and ask what has been done, so far, by the school to deal with the behaviour,” says McAuslan, who advises summarising aloud, at this point, what the teacher has said.

“Say something like, ‘It sounds like you’re finding Jenny difficult in these particular ways’. So you’re getting clear about what the teacher said. You can now respond, knowing all the information that has come from the school.”

Affording the teacher the opportunity to say their piece, says McAuslan, helps the teacher to settle, and then to listen to you. “The teacher may have observations you need to hear, because you need to help your child develop out of this situation.”

If you have a different view of your child, present this calmly — ‘Sounds like you and I have very different experiences of the same child’. The issue is ‘how can all concerned in this child’s life help him or her at this time?’

“What can you do at home? What can you do at school? Follow through on these options and arrange a follow-up meeting with the teacher to see how things are going,” says McAuslan.

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