What do you tell your child?

HORRIFIC incidents like the Sandy Hook School shooting in the US in December, or the murder of Detective Garda Adrian Donohoe last month, give parents the difficult task of explaining or interpreting such happenings for their children.

“Parents have a very important role to play regarding what children hear and see in the media,” says Tara Smith, project worker with Barnardos.

How best to support your child will depend on his age and temperament — some children are curious about the facts, some can get upset about other people’s sadness.

“Children under seven need protecting from very disturbing news stories and images. They don’t distinguish clearly between fantasy and reality.

“Research shows they can interpret repeated TV images of a particular incident as that incident occurring over and over again in real time. Repeated exposure can make it seem more prevalent and closer to home,” says Smith.

Parents should watch non-sensationalist news programmes with the over-sevens, says Smith, who’s emphatic that the parent needs to be the one to help them understand.

“Look to see how the child is reacting. Is he upset or just looking for facts? Talk to him, using clear, short and truthful facts — ‘somebody went into the school, they had a gun and they’ve hurt people’. That’s the truth, but you’re protecting your child,” she says.

It’s important to check what the child already ‘knows’ about the event. Ask: ‘Were your friends talking about it at school? What did they say?’ Check the information they have, because it could well be wrong. No matter what feeling the child has about the incident, tell him this is OK. Aim to make him feel safe.

“Talk about the things you and the school does to keep him safe — ‘Every morning at your school, we have to ring the bell, because, in your school, strangers can’t come in’,” Smith says.

Bad news in the media can provide opportunities to teach your child compassion. A news story about cruelty to animals might see you acknowledging that “some very mean people don’t treat animals properly, but there are lots of kind people who mind animals who haven’t been treated well”.

Perhaps ask your child if he would like to make a donation to an animal-rescue shelter.