Life changing

HAVING a baby is a life-changing experience and nothing compares to the feeling of holding your newborn in your arms.

But while this moment is undoubtedly a joyous occasion, it can also be very daunting — and expectant parents, such as Amy Huberman and Brian O’Driscoll, will understandably be nervous about what lies ahead when baby arrives next month.

The sleepless nights and non-existent social life for the first few weeks can take its toll, so we asked some experts for their advice on getting through the early days.

Dr John Sharry, director of the Parents Plus charity and author of Positive Parenting, says looking after a baby can be all-consuming, so it is important for parents to look after themselves and also take the time to enjoy this new role.

“In the joy and busyness of being a new parent, it is easy to get caught up in only thinking of the needs of your baby,” he says. “But it is really important to prioritise your own needs as well in order to prevent stress and exhaustion and to ensure you are happy and positive.

“Try and enjoy every minute with your new baby. Even the stress of a night feed can be a precious moment to be enjoyed — especially when you remember that in a few months your baby will have moved on.

“Setting time aside to simply enjoy your child, even during bathing or feeding, is really important to both you and your baby in fostering close attachment and connection.”

Sharry says it is also important for parents to accept help when it’s offered.

“Having a baby brings huge changes to your life — some good and some very challenging — and the parents who do best are prepared to abandon many expectations, ‘go with the flow’ and enjoy the adventure,” he advises. “Also, they say it takes a village to raise a child. so don’t take on the challenges alone — seek support from friends and family as you need it. Remember problems and joys shared with others make the journey all the more worthwhile.”

Family psychologist Peadar Maxwell says it’s normal for expectant parents to be somewhat anxious as many don’t get the chance to prepare for the new role. But he says spending time with children before your own arrives, accepting help from others and researching advice from experts can make all the difference.

“The arrival of a newborn is a life-transforming event with little or no preparation,” says Maxwell. “New parenthood brings such a sense of responsibility and change that it’s no wonder the fight-or-flight response kicks in for many parents. For some this could trigger stress or depression and help may be required.

“Of course many new parents are not depressed but could use some stress management in their lives — making time for being a couple, practicing simple breathing or relaxation exercises and getting gentle exercise can be beneficial. Also accepting help from those close to you is a great way to rest and re-charge.

“For most new parents the resources they need come from within, from family and friends and from taking the time to listen or read about other parent’s experiences.

“Make this a time to minimise the pressure in your life — don’t try to do all the things you are used to doing and don’t have too many visitors.”

Ellmarie Coleman, a community midwife in Cork city, says it’s vital for would-be parents to organise some form of help before the baby arrives.

“Having a new baby is wonderful but it isn’t all Hollywood cuteness and parents need to be realistic,” she advises.

“I would encourage everyone to think about a support network before the delivery date, whether that is in the form of grandparents, friends, neighbours or even the local baby group.

“It is important for new mothers to have someone to talk to when things get on top of them or even to have someone hold the baby while they have a shower or get dressed.

“I would also encourage new parents not to be shy about asking for advice — if you are nervous about some aspect of your baby’s behaviour or appearance, don’t hesitate to call your doctor or public health nurse, particularly if it is late in the day as these things always appear worse in the middle of the night.

“Rearing a baby is a totally individual experience and there is no advice which fits all, but I would say, ask for help if you need it, look after yourself as well as the baby and enjoy this very special time.”

* For more advice visit www.solutiontalk.ie www.hse.ie and www.cuidiu.ie