Stand up to the bullies

Give your child the language to deal with their aggressors, says Helen O’Callaghan.

THE idea that your child might be bullied strikes fear into any parent’s heart. The biggest thing you can do is to give them the strength and skills to deal with it, says Imelda Graham, training coordinator with Barnardos’ training and resource service.

Communicate openly with your child. Make them aware that bullying happens. Help them be aware of right and wrong, that it’s not OK for someone to be very rude to them or to be abusive, and to know what this looks like. Give them the language to be able to talk about it.

“You don’t want to alarm children but if there’s a TV programme that portrays a bullying incident, ask ‘did you know that action is called bullying?’. Knowing the language gives them the right tools. Say: ‘If this ever happens to you, tell me about it’.

Let children know in an age-appropriate way that their school has rules against bullying,” says Graham. “In this way, you equip them to say: ‘Getting me in a corner of the yard and hurting me is bullying — it’s not allowed in this school’.”

Where once children could go home, shut the door and feel safe, cyberbullying can today follow them into what should be their safest sanctuary — their home and bedroom.

“There’s a big increase in cyber-bullying,” says Graham, who recommends rules and boundaries around use of mobile phone and computer.

“I would never advocate a computer in the bedroom. You’re letting a young child into a public space where they’re vulnerable and without protection. Have rules such as ‘you can’t take the mobile phone to bed or use it after 9pm’. Turn off the wifi at 10pm or a time that feels appropriate.”

Bullies target children with poor self-esteem, those who don’t have a good group of friends and those with a degree of difference about them — a high IQ, special needs, or coming from a different background.

Children may not tell you they’re being bullied. Look for signs: damaged clothes, bruises they won’t talk about, refusing to go to school, seeking extra pocket money.

“Notice unexplained mood swings or behaviour that’s different from usual,” advises Graham, who encourages keeping teachers informed of any changes.

BULLYING RESPONSE

¦ Stay calm. Reassure your child — ‘this is not your fault’.

¦ Say: ‘you did right to tell me’.

¦ Ask your child: ‘what would you like to happen next?’ They might want you to walk them to school for a period.

¦ Talk to teacher if serious. Never promise your child you won’t do this.