I am proof that it can be done

WHEN Radio Kerry presenter Deirdre Walsh, 44, married journalist Dermot Crean, 39, the couple never put a time-scale on having children.

“I wasn’t one of those women who always wanted a big family or was dying to have kids. We knew we both wanted children — I wanted a daughter — but our attitude was it’ll happen when it’s meant to,” Deirdre explains.

When she got pregnant in her early 30s in 2002, the couple were thrilled but a miscarriage before her 12-week scan left them gutted. Exactly a year later, she fell pregnant and once more endured an even earlier miscarriage.

“We decided not to go down the IVF route.I have friends who did it so I knew what was involved. It just wasn’t for us — the idea of injecting hormones, the whole idea of setting ourselves up for possible disappointment and being back at square one. I’m very close to my nieces and I reconciled it by thinking if I don’t have children maybe I’m just destined to be a very good aunt.”

On her 40th birthday, Deirdre “drew a line” under the prospect of having a baby. “I felt a little sad but I’d be lying if I said I was devastated.” So it was a total bolt from the blue when she became pregnant at 41. Fear of another miscarriage meant she hardly dared hope for this baby. She went for an early scan at eight weeks. “I had a very frank discussion with the obstetrician who laid on the line the high risk of miscarriage and abnormalities.”

An advanced scan showed she had a one in 160 chance of having a baby with an abnormality. “Dermot and I sat down and said ‘ok, let’s say the baby has an abnormality — it would still be our baby’. That’s how we looked at it.”

When Olivia, now two, was born, she was perfect. “We were over the moon.” Being a mum is fantastic, she says, adding that once her tiny daughter outgrew really bad colic (“I felt so powerless — this poor little thing was screaming in pain and there was nothing I could do”), she could really enjoy her.

“You’re more mentally prepared when you get to 40. You’ve done a fair bit of travelling. Your career’s established. You have your house and you’re a good few years into your mortgage. You’ve done the wild years of partying so it didn’t feel like a massive sacrifice to be staying in every night with a small baby.

“It takes a physical toll. You do a full day’s work and then go home to a busy toddler. If I was 10 years younger, I wouldn’t be as tired. Some of my friends have kids going to secondary school. Another set don’t have any kids at all. Some friends in Dublin are older mums — it’d be lovely if they were closer. You do wonder ‘will I be the oldest mammy at the school gate?’

“Olivia will be an only child, which isn’t ideal. Maybe it’ll make her more independent. She’ll always be able to bring her friends home. She’s fantastic, the light of our lives. People ask ‘why do you think you got pregnant at 41 and not earlier?’ I was healthier at 40 than I was at 30! I was looking after myself much better in terms of diet, exercise and lifestyle. I wasn’t hell-bent on getting pregnant — I was totally relaxed. I subsequently found out both my grandmothers had babies in their mid-40s. I think women are browbeaten by all these articles saying you mustn’t leave it too late. I wouldn’t want to give people false hope, but I’m living proof it can be done.”