It is not abnormal for a teenager to view porn

While cleaning out my 16-year-old son’s bedroom, I found a stack of pornographic magazines. Some of the content was hardcore.

I was shocked, as he seems a shy boy with little interest in girls. I am not sure what to do.

At 16, your son is becoming a man and developing sexually. No doubt the graphic pictures in these magazines are deeply exciting for him.

You say he is shy and has little interest in girls. But his interest in these magazines indicates he is aware of sexual attraction. He is learning about himself and his feelings, and it’s highly likely he is getting pleasure.

Of course, this is difficult for you. Perhaps you could think about why you find the pictures shocking? Do you find the images degrading and feel that the women depicted are there for the gratification of men?

Some people object because they incite sexual arousal, which we have to remember is why they are made in the first place.

In my view, pornography is superficial and objectifies everyone. It is about sexual poses, titillation, but these images have been airbrushed and push the image of the body beautiful. They certainly don’t depict how we are in reality.

I know it is distressing because it is your child who is looking at erotic magazines. But this does not mean your son is abnormal. It may take time for him to be comfortable with girls. We do know, however, that porn does preclude the interpersonal and does not reflect reality.

So what to do? You could dump the material, but this solution may be unhelpful. He will know that you have found them. You won’t raise the subject and certainly he won’t. It will be a secret swept under the carpet.

Pornography can start out of curiosity, but can become a means for a young person to deal with stresses. If a family has an underlying attitude to sex that it is shameful, and if there is discomfort talking about sex, it will be difficult to discuss the issue of porn.

How you deal with this will depend on how comfortable you are with the subject. You need to talk to him openly about what you have found. It is an opportunity to let him ask questions about pornography and for you to give him information.

Peak levels of arousal occur in men in their teens and early 20s. He may be confused by these deep urges. Some teens, when they first see porn, can be upset by it. Others may be experiencing peer pressure and do not want to appear prudish.

Be open about the impact on you, but talk in a calm way, not lecturing and letting him think he is bad, and shaming him. He needs to be reassured that sexual urges and feelings are normal.

Many teens let go of their early involvement with porn as they move into adulthood and form relationships.