Born under a wandering star

“WE have been sold a myth about monogamy; we have not been told the truth. Monogamy does not, and almost always cannot, provide a lifetime of rich sexual excitement for human beings.”

In The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating, US sociologist Eric Anderson argues that human beings are not cut out for monogamy. We value it not because it works, but because we’re deeply conditioned by society to accept it as the only basis for a relationship. He says that we didn’t evolve to be monogamous. He says that it runs counter to our nature, and as a result, we cheat.

At a time when Census figures show that the number of divorced people in Ireland has increased by 150% in just ten years, Anderson’s critique of monogamy is timely. “Monogamy is so highly revered,” he says, “I expected to be highly stigmatised for speaking out against it, but at the same time, there’s so much cultural evidence about that good, honest people cheat that I think maybe our culture is ready to hear the message.”