Loyalty first

COMEDIAN Neil Delamere used to be a software engineer before he decided to quit and do stand-up.

It’s why the Offaly funny man — best known for presenting Republic of Telly and for his appearances on RTE’s The Panel and BBC’s The Blame Game — really appreciates loyalty in friends and family.

“When I gave up the day job, my family were great. My brother let me stay with him in Dublin and I didn’t have a car so my mother gave me a loan of hers to go to gigs. My friend lives in Nottingham and I used to go over to do gigs. I was only earning a minimal amount of money so I couldn’t afford hotels. I used to sleep on his floor and he’d cook me dinner. Neil says he has learned most about healthy living from his girlfriend, who has studied exercise and physiology, and his sister-in-law, who’s a physiotherapist.

. Neil Delamere performs his new show, Restructuring, in Cork Opera House tonight and in The Maritime Hotel, Bantry, on Saturday, Apr 28. For further info, visit www.neildelamere.com.

What shape are you in?

I’m in better shape than I’ve been for a while. I just did the 5k run with Ray D’Arcy and I didn’t lose the lining of my stomach. I’ve been running a bit since Christmas. And I’m finally doing what women do all the time — looking at the back of packets to see what I’m eating.

Do you have any health concerns?

There’s nothing genetic to concern me. My aunt and uncle got Type 2 diabetes when they got older so in 30 or 40 years I might be looking out for that.

What are your healthiest eating habits?

I don’t really snack that much and I’m beginning to cook for myself a bit more than I used to. I don’t eat anything if I don’t know what’s in it. I’m trying to increase the amount of green in my diet, but I’m not one of those people who gets up in the morning and creates a beautiful salad — I just buy it for convenience.

What’s your guiltiest pleasure?

I love chocolate. If I had to give up chocolate or booze in the morning, I’d give up the alcohol. In that way, I have much more in common with my female friends. Raisin and biscuit Yorkie is my tipple of choice.

What would keep you awake at night?

The irregularity of the life I lead. I get back late at night from gigs and, if I have to be up early next morning for a radio interview or photo shoot, I know I have to get to sleep immediately and I just can’t.

How do you relax?

I mostly work weekends, so Mondays are my ‘weekend’. I do nothing but read the papers. I play indoor football on Monday nights and I’ve been doing it and meeting up with the same group of lads for I don’t know how many years. That lets me blow off steam.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?

I’d invite Stephen Fry. He’d be an excellent dinner guest because he knows everything about everything — he’s very urbane, erudite and sophisticated. I’d ask Gandhi because he wouldn’t eat a lot so we could probably get an extra few at the table. To balance out Gandhi, I’d invite Elvis because he’d eat Gandhi’s share and be massively entertaining. And I’d ask Jesus, Muhammad Ali and Eddie Hobbs.

What’s your favourite smell?

My dad used to smoke Velvan Plug tobacco. It would come in a square and he’d cut it himself. It was like a little ritual. It was like cutting cheese and he’d break it down in his hand. It’d release a wonderful aroma.

What would you change about your appearance?

I’d pick the ability to tan easily. Half my family tans and the other half doesn’t. Freckles explode when the tempera-ture’s anything above 19 degrees Celsius. On beaches, you see Grecian gods and goddesses. And then you see the Irish — if they’re sensible — huddled under umbrellas on day one of their holiday. And if they’re not, you see them walking around on day two, looking like they’ve been tasered.

When did you last cry?

I don’t cry easily. I’m very much a typical repressed Irish male that way. Last time was probably the weekend Princess Diana died because that was the same weekend Offaly lost to Mayo in the Senior All-Ireland football semi-final. We’d just won the Leinster final for the first time in 15 years.

What trait do you least like in others?

Disloyalty is a particularly abhorrent trait. When you get to a certain age you rely on friends a great deal and they rely on you. One of the most important things is to know that certain people will be there for you.

What trait do you least like in yourself?

I’m far too impatient. I don’t do road rage, but I shout at people from my own little bubble. I’m quick to become impatient, but I’m also quick to regain my composure.

Do you pray?

No, not really. I think prayer can be very useful for people though. I’ve read about studies that show repetition of something has a very calming effect, whether you believe the words are really going to the Almighty or not.

What would cheer up your day?

I would defy anyone not to be immediately cheered, at least momentarily, by the unconditional joy and affection with which a dog greets you.