Q: So, Carine Roitfeld, best-dressed woman in the world, how do I look?

A: You’re trying today? It’s not what I would wear!

OK, CARINE ROITFELD, former editor-in-chief of French Vogue, iconic stylist and “best-dressed woman in the world”, let’s get you working.

I seriously need someone to tell me what’s in and what’s out. Ready? Let’s go... Military? “In. Always. Classic.” Animal prints? “I no like for myself, but will go on for ever, I think.” Gladiator sandals? “I like, but must have heel.” Uggs. “I don’t like. This boot is lazy and is huggly.” Crocs? “They are ‘orrible!” But so comfy, non? “Non. All the nurses wear, and I think is ‘orrible, ‘orrible.” Camel toe? “When the jeans are pulled too high? Is not very chic, I think.” Pashmina? “Always out.” Fur? “Out.” Waiting lists for £5,000 handbags? “To wait for something because it has a label on it? It’s ridiculous. I don’t like.” Jeggings? “I don’t like.” I’m with you there. You’re either jeans or you’re leggings. Make your mind up. No one likes a ditherer.