Christmas crafts

CHRISTMAS — a warm, intimate winter break steeped in much-loved tradition, or a stressful, meaningless, overpriced, overexposed load of tinsel-covered nonsense that has nothing to do with anything except buying more stuff?

We have veered towards the latter — the more affluent we became, the more Christmas lost its way, until all it meant was spend, spend, spend.

Enter the recession. Now we can no longer all spend, spend, spend. Does this mean we are faced with the 21st equivalent of Dickensian tragedy, involving weeping 10-year-olds being given satsumas instead of PlayStations?

Not a bit of it. Children take their lead from us. This whole curtailed ability to spend, spend, spend can be turned around constructively if we think and act collectively. Everyone is in the same boat. This could be hugely liberating from the tyranny of Christmas marketing. There has never been a better time to reclaim Christmas, and return it to its original form — a cosy mid-winter holiday, instead of being exhausting hard work involving frenzied shopping, much of which is usually unwanted anyway.

“This year is unique, because people are less pressured this year to buy crazy amounts of stuff,” says Brian Howard, CEO of Mental Health Ireland. “Most people are more worried about other things, like mortgage repayments, and may not feel the need to indulge as much as before. Be mindful of stepping back, of reconfiguring values. Get out and about, engage with friends, do something physical like walking or swimming, enjoy nature. These things were not regarded as important in the crazy Tiger years, but as the old adage goes, the best things in life are free.”

Absolutely. And this can be applied to everything, even Santa.

For the kids, yes, of course Santa’s still coming — just with less loot.

“The focus of Christmas these days is just one gigantic exercise in consumption,” says clinical psychologist Oliver James, author of such books as Affluenza and They F*** You Up: How To Survive Family Life. “It’s time for a reappraisal. Try and have a Christmas where only the children get presents, and this is limited to one present per child, while Christmas stockings get filled with homemade presents that children can make for each other. This is an opportunity to get creative with your children, an opportunity to have fun together rather than just buying things. Also, make Christmas Day more fun by having lots of party games. Older children can be included with games like charades or your very own X Factor — use your imagination. It needn’t be about money.”

If your circumstances have changed, the most stressful option is to pretend everything is business as usual and then worrying yourself to a standstill about how Santa will be able to provide his usual load of goodies. Far better to let children know that this year, like everyone else, Santa is skint.

He will of course still be coming, but he doesn’t have as many expensive presents. Emphasise how everyone is in the same situation, and confer with other parents, family members and friends so that everyone co-operates and corroborates.

Older kids who may have a more mature realisation about Santa can be told calmly and reasonably that this is a bad year for everyone money-wise. Telling them this would be far less stressful than trying to keep up appearances. Being honest and open with kids about finances — without making them feel insecure — shows them that you respect them enough to take them into your confidence. Again emphasise it’s a national thing, and not particular to your household. You can also offer children from the age of three upwards a voucher for a Mummy Day or a Daddy Day in lieu of expensive objects, where you are at the child’s disposal all day long, to do what ever they like together: watch their favourite film, visit their favourite place, spend all day in their company, giving them your undivided attention.

Involve them more in the planning of a fun-filled Christmas day; this year make the emphasis on having a laugh together instead of sitting around unwrapping things. Get them into making stuff — helping with decorating (holly and greenery from the great outdoors); make your own Christmas crackers; decide what games to play and who will do what. It really need not be about over-spending and over-eating.

There are solutions for avoiding status anxiety for adults too.

In his 2004 book Status Anxiety, philosopher Alain de Botton writes: “The advantages of two thousand years of western civilisation are familiar enough: an extraordinary increase in wealth, in food supply, in scientific knowledge, in consumer goods, in physical security, in life expectancy ...

“What is perhaps less apparent and more perplexing is the way that such impressive material advances may have gone hand in hand with a rise in levels of status anxiety among ordinary western citizens, by which is meant a rise in levels of concern about importance, achievement and income.”

This need not be us. Talk to your family and friends well in advance. Agree to a no present or tiny-gesture present policy, with the focus on children rather than adults — do you really need more perfume or another new gadget? Make presents if you have more time than money. Even if you don’t view yourself as creative, anyone can bake or make or offer something simple and wrap it nicely. This shows more love and care than some hastily purchased rubbish.

Let go of expectation and ignore saturation marketing about the ‘perfect’ Christmas — don’t let yourself be brainwashed. You can even give your time as a Christmas present.

When it comes to the actual Christmas Day feast, sharing makes things easier: agree that everyone contributes one dish. Christmas Day food is simple anyway and doesn’t have to be expensive. Let go of the expensive add-ons, and more significantly, let go of the ‘big host’ thing, because it’s unnecessary and stressful. Also, meals where everyone brings an item make for a more communal feeling, where everyone feels they have made a contribution and there is no single martyr slaving in the kitchen. We are famous for our hospitality, but this can slip into keeping-up-with-the-Jonses if we don’t curb our desire to be seen as super-generous; it’s not only okay to share, it’s preferable.

Most importantly, try to remember, no matter what the telly has been shouting at you since October, that Christmas is just one day. One single day. It’s not that big a deal unless you allow it to be.