Sex File: My husband is more in love with his new body than mine — how do I bring this up?

"Your husband's sexual peacocking is more likely to be down to the fact that improving heart health boosts blood flow to the genitals, which in turn improves erectile function."

Mon, 27 Oct, 2025 - 01:00

Suzi Godson

My husband has lost a lot of weight (the hard way) and is delighted.

This has had a welcome effect on his libido, but I can't help feeling he's more in love with his new body than he is with mine.

We're both in our 50s, and I've never let myself go. How do I bring this up?

As someone who has never been overweight, it's probably difficult for you to fully appreciate what a massive achievement your husband's weight loss is.

You frame your own slimness as a personal attribute and say you have never "let yourself go", but no matter how disciplined you are, the truth is you are almost certainly genetically advantaged as well.

Your husband is delighted by his transformation, and he has every right to be because his weight loss will have reduced his risk of developing heart problems, diabetes, high cholesterol, sleep apnoea and a whole host of other nasties.

His libido will have improved too - research has shown that testosterone levels increase exponentially with each kilogram of weight lost.

Your husband's sexual peacocking is more likely to be down to the fact that improving heart health boosts blood flow to the genitals, which in turn improves erectile function.

In a study at the University of Naples, 31% of obese men with erectile dysfunction who lost between 10 and 15% of their body weight regained sexual function. If that was previously an issue for your husband, this will have increased his confidence exponentially.

You are concerned that your husband may be a teensy bit more interested in how he looks than how you do, but I think it is more likely that the positive impact weight loss has had on his self-esteem has changed the dynamic between the two of you in a way that you are not yet used to.

Losing a substantial amount of weight is not something that happens overnight. Your husband has obviously been working away at this for months and months, and so he has had time to adjust gradually to his changing self.

You, on the other hand, probably didn't take much notice until it was clear that he was really going to do it, and now you are playing psychological catch-up.

You should let him enjoy his moment of triumph. Your husband is not a narcissist. He has worked hard to get himself in shape and his flexing and sexual attention are all focused on you.

Ask him what motivated his weight loss and you may well find that you are an important part of the answer. He is also much more likely to keep the weight off with your support.

That's important because studies have found that more than 50% of weight loss is regained within two years.

For other, less fortunate women, male midlife weight loss has a more sinister explanation, most notably "the two i's" - illness and infidelity - so the fact that your husband is happy, healthy and eager to have sex with you is a boon that you should enjoy.