Learner Dad: We were told to ‘shut up and keep going’

We didn't kick up a fuss about bullying because that was the way world worked when we were young

Picture: iStock 

“Dad, do you know why some kinds of cancer are more dangerous than others?”, asked my seven-year-old on the drive home from school yesterday.

They’re teaching young children about cancer in school now and it points to a brighter future for all of us. When I was growing up in the 1970s and '80s, you could barely say the word cancer in public. You’d hear that someone had ‘The Big C’ and that was about it. Getting cancer was something to be ashamed of. But then pretty much everything was something to be ashamed of back in the 1980s.

It was amazing the number of words we couldn’t bring ourselves to say. I remember an aunt of mine once telling us that someone was gay, but she mouthed the word gay, silently, as if uttering it would open up the gates of hell.

If my seven-year-old son is talking about cancer, it means we are moving forward. It also means he’ll be telling me where babies come from next week, so I better get ready for that.

Seriously though, I think we should have a very clear picture of what our kids are being told in school. Not so we can clutch our pearls and shout: “Stop I don’t want my kids exposed to that kind of stuff”. I want to know what they’re learning about things like diversity and inclusivity, so I know where they’re coming from when we stumble into an argument.

I was chatting about this with a friend of mine the other day. He had been talking to his teenage daughter about racism and the N-word, when he actually said the word out loud, not in an offensive way, but making the point that it’s an awful slur that should never be used in public. She said it should never be said out loud in private either and asked him not to do it again. He said, fair enough, lesson learned, that’s a taboo word for a very good reason.

I’d like to think that I won’t make a similar mistake with my kids, but I’m only fooling myself. They are effectively learning a new, fluid language now, to describe the world they inhabit.

It’s impossible for someone of my age to keep up, and use the correct terms when talking about sexuality, gender identity, disability and mental health.

I don’t feel angry about this new ‘woke’ world. For the past 20 years, we have taught kids to respect and celebrate diversity, in all its forms. This is a good thing. We shouldn’t be surprised now that they’re turning around and telling us how to behave ourselves. It’s something all kids do to their parents at some point, we should just get over it.

I reckon middle-aged parents struggle a bit with this new diversity because we were brought up in a world where we were told to ‘shut up and keep going'. We didn't kick up a fuss about bullying, because that's the way the world works. If you were gay, there was a pub for that, just don’t make too much of a big deal out of it and you’ll be grand. If you’re depressed, keep it to yourself, you don’t want to drag everyone else down with you. And trans and gender-fluid people were expected to live in the shadows.

It was all daft. Our kids are the latest generation to set about dismantling this wall of silence. Good luck to them. They’ve a bit to go yet, but they’re getting there.

If my kids read this at any stage in the future, please give your old man a break. I’m trying to learn a new language and that gets harder as you get older. For now, I’m delighted you can tell me about cancer.