How to be mindful of your teen as new school term begins 

Teenagers report a loss of connection during the pandemic, according to a study 

Picture: iStock 

As schools return next week, it’s worth remembering that most students have had just two terms of in-school exposure over the past 18 months.

And this has had an impact, with young people experiencing a “significant loss of connection”, according to a study on transition years conducted by psychologists at Perspectives Ireland ( perspectivesireland.ie).

All students surveyed reported the greatest difficulty of the pandemic was coping with the loss of connections with friends, extended family, classmates, teachers and their school. In particular, students keenly felt the loss of connection with peers. One student said: “I don’t get along with anyone like I do with my friends”. Another described the loss of his “solid support system”.

While the study was small – undertaken with just one transition year group – Perspectives Ireland director Dr Ciara McEnteggart says it revealed that children felt their worries were less important than those of the adults in their lives,  "and that they could easily catch up in time”. This trivialising of young people’s pandemic experience, she says, has also been reported across Europe.

“The general consensus from the study, and from our clients, is that young people experienced the pandemic as really difficult. That loss of connection comes through again and again,” says McEnteggart, adding that researchers were somewhat surprised that missing the structured activities of their lives – for example, sports – paled in comparison to missing friends.

“Some parents might be surprised by the importance of their connection with friends. Adults forget. School lunchtime, for example, came up repeatedly as such a point of contact for connection and enjoyment and something they really missed.”

Most students surveyed didn’t feel understood at home. One young person described the challenge of “dealing with my issues without my friends there”. Others said: “It’s easier to relax around my friends than my family”, and “my friends understand me better and it’s easier to relate to them about my life”.

Pointing out that the teen phase is critical for developing a sense of who you are, McEnteggart says at this stage young people are really starting to get to know themselves. “And the people who can best take their perspective are their friends. They understand that small things matter: planning a night out for weeks in advance, having a little gossip at lunchtime – what runners are you going to buy? – little details that an adult mightn’t give much time to but that mean so much.”

As we emerge out of summer holidays, McEnteggart urges parents to take a role in making good the loss of connection teens have endured. 

Recognise they’ve lost connections – facilitate them to compensate for that loss.

Give some leeway – a break from what they’d generally be expected to do with family and a bit more time for connecting with friends.

As they return to school routines, give them an evening or two to connect with friends or let your teen have a few friends around on Saturday evening to hang out.

Encourage your child to invite a friend along to an outdoor family event.