Learning Points: Men must be allies on International Women's Day

Richard Hogan: Next week is International Women’s Day. A day where we celebrate the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. Through the centuries women have had to fight to have their voices heard. They have had to struggle to overcome the inherent bias in society. It wasn’t so long ago that the marriage bar was a very real thing for women in this country.

Next week is International Women’s Day. A day where we celebrate the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. Through the centuries women have had to fight to have their voices heard. They have had to struggle to overcome the inherent bias in society. It wasn’t so long ago that the marriage bar was a very real thing for women in this country. 

So, celebrating great women who have made significant strides for equality is an important day on the calendar. I was lucky enough to be raised by two beautiful, strong women. They taught me so much, and now I’m even luckier to be the proud father of three incredible young girls. They have certainly turned me into a feminist of sorts. It’s an on-going joke in the house, my daughter’s bedroom has a warning on the door, ‘no boys allowed, except for dad!’ I’m an honouree girl. One of my greatest achievements.

It’s easy when you grow up with male siblings to think equality is there for all. It’s easy to think, ‘women have never had it so good, so what are they complaining about?’ But early last December I got an insight into what it is like for women on a daily basis. I was coming home from the clinic around 7pm. Myself and a young girl were alone on the carriage when two late twenty-year-olds walked through. The moment they spotted the teenage girl on her own, the air changed. 

They sat across from her, talking among themselves at first but staring at her. I could tell she was trying to use her phone to avoid eye contact with them. They started to make her feel incredibly uncomfortable with their presence and then they started talking to her. ‘How old are you?’ ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ 

As a middle-aged man watching this unfold, I have to admit I became quite angry with what I was witnessing. A young teenage girl being tormented by two older guys. So, I intervened and started talking to her to let them know I wasn’t going to quietly sit there and do nothing. There was a real sense of relief and panic in her voice. She was looking at me for advice on what to do. And, I could tell the guys were weighing up whether to fight me or not. You get to a certain age and you think that type of interaction is behind you. 

I haven’t felt that sense of uncertainty about my safety in a long time. As the train approached my stop the last thing I wanted to happen was for her to be left alone with these two menacing characters so I told her she could get off at my stop and myself and my wife would drive her home. 

As we were standing together, waiting for the train to stop she told me her parents would kill her for getting on such a quiet carriage but the only reason she did is that she recognised me from school. So she felt safe. The fact that a young girl would have to think like that in the first place tells you how far we have yet to come as a society so that our sisters, daughters and mothers can feel safe when they leave the house. She also told me that this sort of thing happens to her regularly.

David Chappelle, in his inimitable style has a funny, yet insightful joke about what women go through. He recalls a story from when he was first gigging as a young aspiring comedian. He was doing a show in a dodgy venue in NYC. The owner gave him 20 thousand dollars cash for the show. Chappelle recounts his fear and terror walking around NYC as a black man with so much cash in a bag. He ends the bit by saying, ‘now I know what women feel like’. 

It seems a little glib maybe but, for me, it accurately captures what women go through and what I witnessed that late December evening on the train. And, I often find myself wondering what would have happened if I wasn’t there and that teenage girl was on her own with those guys. 

I also find myself wondering, how will my daughters respond when confronted with many of the prejudices that are out there waiting for them to encounter? 

Celebrating International Women’s Day is an important moment in the year. Because the more of us that show solidarity for our fellow human beings and say enough is enough when it comes to harassment, the less likely guys like those two on the train will feel comfortable expressing their dark impulses of prejudice. The more of us that see an attack on someone because of gender, creed or sexual preference as an attack on us all the more we will defeat prejudice. Happy International Women’s Day.