Learning Points: Why disruption is key to reaching your personal goals 

This new year promises so much; the hope of the vaccine and the end to lockdown. As we look at the year yet to unfold before us it is the perfect time to think about what version of our self we want to put forward into the world.

 New Year resolutions often fall flat so early in the year. That failure can make us feel like we were fated to be overweight, meant to act a certain way, not be respected, or whatever it is you would like to change about yourself.

 But often it is the way we set up the goal that assures it was doomed to failure before we ever attempt to modify a behaviour we know isn’t good for us. Remember, if you don’t change your behaviour you won't change the results. Einstein said that insanity is, ‘doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results’. Well, it is certainly a futile adventure that will ensure you think negatively about yourself.

Many of the goals we try to achieve are designed for failure. They can be a self-fulfilling prophesy because to achieve the goal would mean we have power over our trajectory. Now that can be a difficult thing to come to terms with, especially if you have always felt powerless to change. 

A question I find useful when looking at new year resolutions or attempting to bring change into a client's life is, ‘what will your life look like when you succeed at this change?’ This is often followed by silence. The client has never fully believed it would work because they have failed so many times before they are expecting the same result. So failing is what they were really after because this will feed the hungry paradigm, they are never going to be able to change because that is who they are and to change would be terrifying because then they would know they have power over their life. 

And that is something they never thought before and it is too much difference for them to handle. So, failing is familiar. It is what they know. It is what they crave. That is why so many goals fall flat. They were never designed to succeed. But, it doesn’t have to be this way. If you hold a negative believe about yourself that is holding you back from change, you can disrupt that. Disruption is key to change. 

Homeostasis or balance is your comfort zone, the known. You have to disrupt that. An important first step is understanding where you developed the negative paradigm, you can’t change. 

Then think about the goal you would like to achieve and then think about how you will feel when you achieve it. Now think about what will get in the way of achieving that goal and make a list of how you will deal with those old behaviours when they raise their head. 

Because they will appear to push you back into your comfort zone. Remember, your comfort zone is a nice woolly place but nothing grows there and change is growth. So, change is uncomfortable. But once you achieve it you will have an entirely new view of yourself. By leaning into discomfort you will lean into your true self, free from negative labels.

This time of year we hear a lot of talk about ‘dry January’. I receive many emails asking my thoughts on giving up alcohol for January. I always say the same thing. Of course it is better than not giving it up but if we are truly looking to bring change into our lives with regard to alcohol consumption this really isn’t the best or most effective way to think about limiting alcohol in your life. Recent studies show that to get fit or build muscle isn’t about the volume you lift in one go but more about the volume you lift or exercise over a period of time. So, less is more when you do it consistently. When we limit all alcohol consumption for a short period of time and then go back to old patterns of drinking we really haven’t achieved anything valuable or healthy. A much healthier way to approach changing your relationship with alcohol would be to start reducing the amount you drink each month. This will make a significantly larger impact on your life than simply reducing all alcohol for one month.

Before you set yourself a goal make sure you have set up the structures to succeed in that endeavour. Ask yourself, why do I want to bring this change into my life and do I truly believe I can achieve this? When motivation meets positive belief, transformation occurs. That is the magic of our species, we can achieve anything when we put our minds to it. This year bring the change you desire into your life.