Suzanne Harrington: The US is a pirate state now, but it's ok the EU is 'monitoring' the situation

A picture of Renee Good, who was shot and killed by US Immigration and Customs Enforcement in Minneapolis on Wednesday is displayed during a candlelight vigil in Pliny Park in Brattleboro, Vermont, on Thursday. Photo: Kristopher Radder/The Brattleboro Reformer via AP

I learned a new word this week — kakistocracy: government by the least suitable or competent citizens of a state. I didn’t learn it from reading current reporting or analysis, but from a work of fiction, John Niven’s pulpy revenge fantasy The Fuck-It List.

This fun beach read was published in 2019, but set in the US in the ‘near future’ — 2026.

In this made-up dystopian US, Sean Hannity of Fox News is vice president. ICE is running rampage... unaccountable and violent. Families caged in vast concentration camps along the southern border. Police with the right to confiscate phones, and go through private online accounts of private citizens. Mainstream media controlled by the state.

It happened, notes the fictional narrator, “inch by inch, day by day, until you woke up one morning and found yourself in a place where the unthinkable had become very thinkable, had then become doable, and had finally become routine”.

Here in actual 2026, we’re off to a flying start. The US is a pirate state now, real-life Pirates of the Caribbean, a country that murders its own citizens, kidnaps the leaders of other countries,and steals their oil. Memes abound of oiled frying pans overrun with toy plastic soldiers sticking US flags on them; if you have oil — any oil — the US will come after it.

Or as the late comedian George Carlin put it, the US is “an oil company with an army”.

A protester burns an American flag in front of the Metropolitan Detention Center for the Federal Bureau of Prisons during a protest in Los Angeles on Thursday following the death of Renee Good, who was fatally shot by an ICE officer. Photo: AP/Jae C. Hong

A few days ago, the ‘Secretary of War’ — ex Fox News Pete Hegseth, the one accused of sexual misconduct and being drunk at work — began proceedings to demote Mark Kelly, a retired Navy bigwig and Nasa astronaut, and to reduce his pension.

His ‘crime’? Kelly had told serving US military, via video, they can “refuse illegal orders”. Hegseth called this “seditious” — that the US can do what it likes, when it likes.

It was always thus, but in the past they were better at pretending. Now they’re not even bothering to do that.

And what did European leaders say in the face of this enormous illegal breach of international law, this thumping great smash-and-grab? Nothing. Rien. Zilch. Nada.

Our EU leaders are “monitoring” the situation — which is their word for doing nothing. They are terrified of Trump and his imperialist annexation fantasies. Trump hates the EU because he knows what we think of him and his red hats and gold taps.

To a malignant narcissist, everything is personal — even the Venezuelan leader mocking Trump’s dance moves.

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That this mockery influenced Trump’s decision to kidnap Maduro sounds like a comedic flourish from a John Niven novel, except it’s being reported as factual.

He wants to buy Greenland. He wants to turn Palestine into a Florida-style resort, once all the Palestinians have been murdered.

And he wants to ‘run’ Venezuela. It’s like watching a drunk toddler on the rampage. And what are the EU adults doing? Useless things ranging from placating (Macron) to cowering (Starmer) to cheering on (Meloni). Ursula von der Leyen continues “monitoring the situation closely”.

Cheers, guys. Great work. Keep it up, won’t you.