Edel Coffey: Marie Kondo made me think of how many of us are locked in a death match with perfection

Look at the cleaning and decluttering influencers we have embraced. Not only do they have beautiful homes and children but they themselves are often very beautiful, and that standard has not helped anybody’s idea of what their homes should look like

Edel Coffey: I’m glad Marie Kondo has given herself a break from tidying. Picture: Ray Ryan

We were having a guest around last weekend. The guest was male and he was coming to watch rugby. I realised this is my ideal guest as I tidied away stray phone chargers, hairbands, an absent-mindedly abandoned pair of socks. I wondered aloud could we get away with doing just a cursory tidy. My husband shrugged and said: “Men don’t really notice that stuff.” I realised I do a very gendered level of preparation for different categories of guests.

For trusted friends from the inner circle, the house remains at its most real — very clean but at ease with any evidence that a family might live here. For female acquaintances I don’t know very well, I take a toothbrush to the skirting boards. For male guests, I do a quick hoover, make sure the bathroom is clean and the fridge is stocked with food and beer.