Louise O'Neill: Eight festive facts to distract your problematic relations
Photo: Cathal Noonan
It was Christmas Eve, babe… and no, I’m not going to write another column on why the Fairytale of New York is problematic. If a family member insists on singing the word “fa**ot”, calmly tell them, “Kirsty MacColl changed it to ‘you’re cheap and you’re haggard’, when The Pogues performed on Top of the Pops in 1992 and it was no big deal”. Ignore any blustering about “woke culture gone mad!”.
The only effective answer is to say it’s not about being woke, it’s about being kind. “You do want to be kind, don’t you?” I like to ask with a slight tremor in my voice. It’s a bit like when a charity-worker asks if you want to end world hunger – it’s a difficult question to say no to without sounding like a monster.
If you don’t have the emotional bandwidth for a ‘debate’ (read: screaming match) at the dinner table this Christmas, but also don’t want the conversation to veer into sexist, racist, or homophobic territory, that one simple question should put a stop to their gallop.
Another thing we shouldn’t have to deal with this Christmas is the focus on food and weight.
Many people have gained weight during the pandemic – not surprising, given how stressful the last two years have been – and are dreading the inevitable comments from ‘helpful’ relatives. Here’s a tip. If someone has gained a noticeable amount of weight, they know.
They don’t need you to point it out to them. It’s especially harmful for people who are recovering from eating disorders or those making a conscious decision to reject diet culture.
To anyone who is anxious, I say – you are perfectly entitled to tell your loved ones that their feedback is neither required nor welcome. A simple “I’m sorry but I don’t talk about bodies/weight/food like that” is the best approach.
Then you should quickly change the subject. To help you, I’ve prepared a few festive facts that you can distract your problematic relations with:
1. Did you know that there is no mention of December 25 th in the Bible? Many historians believe Jesus was probably born in the spring but December was chosen to coincide with the pagan festival of Saturnalia, honouring the god Saturn with gift- giving and celebration.
2. Did you know that during winter solstice, the ancient Romans and Egyptians decorated with evergreens to signify that spring would return? Long before Christmas trees became common, Irish people used Holly to decorate their homes.
3. Did you know that the origin of tinsel is probably linked to an Eastern European folktale? It tells the tale of a poor but hardworking widow and her children. A pine cone fell on the floor of their hut and took root but by Christmas, they could not afford to decorate it. When they awoke Christmas morning, the tree was covered in cobwebs and the rays of sunlight touched the webs, turning them gold and silver.
4. Did you know it was Queen Victoria and Prince Albert who popularised Christmas trees? A drawing featured in the pages of Illustrated London News in 1848 showed the Queen, the Prince, and their children decorating their tree and it subsequently trickled down to become a part of a middle-class family’s celebrations.
5. Did you know that if you bought all the gifts from The 12 Days Of Christmas, it would cost you almost $180k? Fortune did the maths and found the most expensive items would be the seven swans-a-swimming ($13,125) and the ten lords-a-leaping ($11, 260). The eight maids-a-milking only cost $58, yet more proof that the gender pay gap does exist.
6. Did you know that in European folklore, mistletoe is a symbol of fertility? Druids considered it to be an aphrodisiac and gathered it for the winter solstice, which is probably where the custom of kissing under the mistletoe originates.
7. Did you know that Coca-Cola hired an illustrator named Haddon Sundblom in 1931 to depict St Nick for their magazine ads and he created the modern-day depiction of Santa Claus? But before that, it was Washington Irving (perhaps best known for writing The Legend of Sleepy Hollow) who helped found the Saint Nicholas Society of the City of New York in 1835, serving as its secretary until 1841. He was also the man who told the world Santa was aided in his work by eight, tiny reindeer.
8. Did you know that during the second world war, the United States Playing Card Company created a special deck of cards which were distributed in Prisoner of War camps through the Red Cross’s special Christmas parcels? When wet, the cards peeled apart to reveal secret escape maps so captured soldiers could find their way back to Allied lines – they just had to assemble the cards in the right order to reveal the full map layout.
And if none of these fascinating facts manage to divert trouble, I’m going to leave you with a piece of advice from Marian Keyes. She recently tweeted, “Christmas is a bout of voluntary collective insanity. If you don’t want to partake, you don’t have to. It is not illegal to sit this one out. I ‘walked away’ several years ago and I’m the better for it.”
Prioritise your own mental health and well-being and take care of yourself over the next few days. May your Christmas be a peaceful one, however you choose to spend it.
