Louise O'Neill: Eight festive facts to distract your problematic relations

"Did you know that if you bought all the gifts from The 12 Days Of Christmas, it would cost you almost $180k?"

Photo: Cathal Noonan

It was Christmas Eve, babe… and no, I’m not going to write another column on why the Fairytale of New York is problematic. If a family member insists on singing the word “fa**ot”, calmly tell them, “Kirsty MacColl changed it to ‘you’re cheap and you’re haggard’, when The Pogues performed on Top of the Pops in 1992 and it was no big deal”. Ignore any blustering about “woke culture gone mad!”. 

The only effective answer is to say it’s not about being woke, it’s about being kind. “You do want to be kind, don’t you?” I like to ask with a slight tremor in my voice. It’s a bit like when a charity-worker asks if you want to end world hunger – it’s a difficult question to say no to without sounding like a monster.