Suzanne Harrington: Jumping through the Christmas hoops!

"At least you’ll get to hear all your favourite Christmas songs in the busy, busy shops. Over and over and over, at high volume. So festive!"

It’s Christmas Week! What fun! And so relaxing! Just a few more hoops to jump through before you can pop on your ironic Christmas jumper and mix yourself a congratulatory cocktail, unless you’re an alcoholic, in which case have a 0.0% beer. Yay! Nearly there! And if you keep adding exclamation marks to everything, then it makes it all seem fun, right? Er, right!

Anyway, hoops! Flump yourself through them like an arthritic seal, eyes on the prize of the raw fish that will be another fun Christmas with the fam. Great that you decided to leave so much to the last minute – not like those people who get everything done by mid-November. Psychopaths. Kidding!