Alison Curtis: I’m organised, so how did I raise a hoarder?
I am not a collector or a hoarder and frankly, too much stuff just stresses me out.
I grew up in a large house but really organised house in Canada. Neither of my parents were hoarders and they were both almost minimalists. Despite this though, when they both passed away and my sister and I had to empty out a 350sq m house, we realised that there was a lot of stuff.
Seven bedroom sets, fours sofas, endless plates, cups, lamps, all their personal effects and a piano made its way into storage where most of it stayed for nearly 18 years. Simply because we didn’t know what to do with it all.
It was a draining process that took years to find decent homes for everything and to really identify the things we wanted to keep. So last year when we rented
our storage unit here in Dublin I had a reaction just stepping inside of it. To see boxes being piled high again, it actually made me feel quite stressed.
This is my own association with stuff and too much of it. I know it is drastic but the result is throughout my adult life, I have limited my stuff. I am constantly passing things along to friends or to charity.
Plus, up until our renovation, we had very limited storage space, well space in general. It was a 15-year long battle from moving into our house until moving out last year to our rental to keep stuff at a minimum and to constantly be rearranging the house like Tetris to get everything to fit in.
Which leaves me to wonder if my daughter Joan, who hasn’t grown up with two people who hoard things, has become one?
I know when children are little, every one of their belongings is precious. That is how it should be. We should teach them to care for their toys and gifts. But as Joan got older I found that she placed huge value on absolutely everything. Scraps of paper, cut up pieces of material, broken glue gun, dried up slime.
I have often rearranged, organised and admittedly thrown out ‘junk’ while she is away at school but 80% of the time it backfires and she miraculously manages to spot the missing scrap of paper.
However, when we were packing up last year to move into our rental I encouraged her to take only the things she really wanted with us and the rest could go into storage. She was able to do this and separate essentials from the non-essentials.
Now we are at the stage where we are getting ready to move back into our house and I have taken as many opportunities as I can to talk about how wonderful her brand new room will be and how it will be even more amazing if she can keep it clutter-free. It is the first time she will have a proper space that is a bedroom, a place to study and play all in one. I really want her to take pride in her new room and manage her stuff so the room works well for her.
We are planning her study space, a reading nook and a place where the floor can be kept clear for playing. I have had to really get her to understand that none of this will work if there is too much stuff in the room.
At the same time, I have to continually remind myself that my association with too much stuff is that, just mine. Joan doesn’t feel the same way or see a problem with it.
I also must respect her feelings towards her belongings all the while teaching her that endless amounts of stuff doesn’t equal happiness.
It’s a process just like it was emptying out our home to get ready for the renovation and I will have to work with her so that we are both happy moving back into our beautiful new home.
