Alison Curtis: My daughter's unexpected reaction to re-entering society after lockdowns

 Alison Curtis Pic: Marc O'Sullivan

I think most of us associate the stage of childhood, whereby your child won’t leave your side or has to be pried off you, with very young children.

However, we would be wrong to assume this — it seems that it can happen at any age. I imagine the stress of a global pandemic and everyone being home all the time would result in not just children but parents having the potential to be clingy.

I first noticed this with my daughter Joan within the first few weeks of the school holidays. We were out of a routine and there was a new camp to get used to each week. I found she was extra huggy in the mornings, which I certainly didn’t mind, and less likely to want to leave me once we were reunited after her daily camps.

She seemed to be happiest when she was at home and she was definitely extra affectionate. She once again started to need either myself or my husband to lie down with her to go to sleep at night.

At first, I didn’t really focus on it. I just happily took all the extra hugs and hand-holding. However, as a few weeks passed and some close friends started mentioning how their own children had become very “clingy”, I started to recognise that this was exactly what was happening with Joan.

One friend, in particular, said that she felt her son had “reverted” or had taken a few steps backward. When I asked her what she meant, she said “he has become very clingy”.

It struck me that she was describing very similar behaviour that Joan was going through.

We have all lived through so much change, and in many cases trauma, in the past year and a half, I think it is only natural that it has left many of us clingy. Clinging to those we love most and the things we get comfort from. Clinging to the things within our control or the things we don’t want to spin out of control.

Our worlds have shrank so much — 2km, 5km, 10km. No gatherings, no cinemas, and no pubs or restaurants. The world has become so tiny for all of us that some of us very quickly became uneasy or unsure when things started to expand again.

As adults, if we are going through anxiety about dipping our toes back into things that were once daily occurrences, then surely children would be far less sure and far more clingy when faced with the same challenges of re-entering society.

If I am honest, it isn’t just Joan who is clingy I have become clingy too. The other night was her first night away from us in nearly two years.

Joan stayed with my sister-in-law and her family. She was in a safe and comfortable place and certainly having more fun with her cousin than if she was spending yet another Saturday night at home with her parents.

However, I felt a bit anxious, worrying about her feeling nervous because she was away from us. The next day, I was downright pathetic waiting for her to come back to us. In reality, we were all just out of practice and, as a result, clingy.

I feel it is an inevitable fallout from the world as we know it changing, to put it lightly. I am not going to feel silly or guilty about it or worry about Joan “outgrowing” this stage.

We are clingy, so what? We have become one another’s constant small and supportive bubble for the past two years. It is going to take a bit of time and practice to pop that bubble, explore the world and to become a little less clingy.