Suzanne Harrington: We're living in an alternative universe, there's no other explanation for Trump

In April 2016, the Large Hadron Collider – the biggest particle accelerator on earth – temporarily broke down when a small furry animal, thought to be a pine martin, although it could have been a weasel, chewed through a cable. The creature’s carbonised remains were found somewhere inside the 17-mile science fiction machine. This really happened.

It was probably at that precise moment the universe was zapped into an alternative reality, one from which scientists have as yet been unable to zap us back, which is why for the past four years we have all been living in a parallel universe where Donald Trump has been the president of the United States. David Bowie had prior knowledge, and exited before we were flipped into this new dimension, warning Prince before he left.