Suzanne Harrington: The rise of conspiracy theories online has made actual evidence so last century
QAnon began with an anonymous post that spawned an elaborate conspiracy theory. File image.
I love learning a new word, particularly when it’s on the bleeding edge of the zeitgeist. Hello then to ipsedixitism, which my spellcheck has underlined with a red squiggle, because it thinks it’s a typo. It’s not.
It means ‘unfounded, false or dogmatic assertion’ based on zero evidence. Maybe it’s Latin for conspiracy theory. I have no proof of that, but it sounds good, and evidence is so last century.
It’s hard to pick a favourite conspiracy theory, given how the internet is increasingly like being trapped inside someone’s queasy cheese dream, but I’d like to nominate QAnon, bandied about since 2016, as a strong contender in the Most Hallucinatory category.
It asserts that Donald Trump is leading a campaign (in itself an astonishing claim) against Satan worshipping celebrity paedophiles who drink children’s blood to stay young, operate out of a pizza restaurant in DC, and are led by Hillary Clinton and Tom Hanks. Yes, Tom Hanks.
Obviously Hillary Clinton drinks the blood of children because she is a nasty woman, but Tom Toy Story Philadelphia Sleepless In Seattle Hanks? That crashing noise is the sound of my illusions shattering.
QAnon began with an anonymous post on the not terribly reputable message board 4chan; Q refers to Q Clearance, a sort of 007 security level within the US military, except without the martinis or the glamour. Or the comparative plausibility of a Bond movie plot.
Yet the supposed revelations of a supposed high ranking military individual posting on a site best known for leaking stolen celebrity nudes – as well as encouraging witless iPhone owners to place their new phones in the microwave to charge them - has seeped all the way to the Oval Office, retweeted both by the Idiot In Chief and his idiot son.
The pizza restaurant – a real place, staffed by real people, serving real pizza - suffered from an onslaught of conspiracy-addled Trumpies, culminating in one with an assault rifle. Deep dish anyone? Extra nuts?
Winner of the Most Pointless conspiracy theory would be the one about philanthropist Bill Gates wanting to kill and microchip everyone with his vaccinations, in order to become even richer. Like Jeff Bezos, Bill has too much money, but unlike Bezos, Bill wants to give his away.
He predicted in 2015 that the main cause of global death would come from contagious disease rather than war, which has been interpreted as Bill wanting to kill everyone. By microchipping us. What? Hang on. I’m confused now.
Why would anyone go to the trouble of microchipping us, when we already carry pocket-sized devices at all times that voluntarily share our location, personal details, bank records, purchasing history, contacts, social interactions, passport numbers, political affiliations, innermost thoughts and what we had for breakfast with our Big Tech overlords, every minute of every day?
What would be the point of chipping us? It’s mystifying. Almost as if it made no sense whatsoever. But then what do I know? I’m just a sheeple.
