Cormac MacConnell: Pub talk offers greater wisdom than any TV
Usually, these ones are in the country, rather than in the town, are not dominated by huge TV screens filling the bar with either soap or soccer, have survived the recession, because of the support of their regulars, are famed locally for the quality of their portery pints, have a wise man in charge of the taps, have long ago barred every blackguard within 25 miles, and often have an intriguingly interesting stranger holding forth at the bar.
Again, I am broadcasting the purest of truths and ye all know that by now. Well as I know the highways and byways of the Banner County by now, I was blessed to discover such a special establishment this week, at a time when the raffish-enough stranger in the corner was in full and fascinating flow.
By his accent, he was from the Northern reaches of England. By his bearing, he was some class of a gentleman; he was drinking brandy during the time I was there, and downing it with the confidence of somebody taking a taxi home, and he had the entire bar in the palm of his hand, as he held forth.
He was truly something else and the beauty of it was that he was neither bombastic nor loud. I learned later, after his taxi brought him away to his hotel, that he’d begun to speak to the house only after a local, called Johnjoe, stated that cabbage butterflies had the shortest lifespans of all insects on earth and that pet rabbits were the mammals with the lowest life expectancy.
Johnjoe himself told me that the first words the hitherto silent wayfarer spoke into the debate were ... “With respect” .. which is a courteous way to begin a contribution.
And then he blinded them with his knowledges for the next 15 minutes. I caught only the tail-end of the flow. Incidentally, wild horses could not drag from me the name and location of this precious pub.
I am going to keep it for myself, but here are some of the nuggets of information I picked up from the stranger and I am somehow certain that he was totally accurate. He had that kind of authority about him.
Maybe he was even a professor of some kind. He told us that the insect with the shortest lifespan on Earth is the beautiful, heifer Mayfly, who will hit the headlines in only a few months time now, when excited anglers report the hatch has begun on the great trout lakes.
He said that the gorgeous, gossamer female Mayfly, believe it or not, often lives for only one of our hours and never survives for longer than 24. He claimed that she flies only to flirt (and that, as ye know, is a beautiful sight to see) and once she has mated, then her Mayfly life is over and done.
That, now, is a quite startling wildlife fact, in my opinion. It puts the annual hatch into a different and somehow poignant perspective, does it not? And he told us that pet rabbits have geriatric life expectancy when compared to a common tiny worm, found in both freshwater and seawater around our shores.
He said these little worms had a fancy Latin kind of a name ... gastro-something was what I picked up, anyway.....but that they were known as Bristlebacks to scientists, because they have hairy backsides and only live for about three days.
And, in fairness to him, he spoke more about those Bristlebacks into the silence he had created along the bar. It seems that your Bristleback is a raging hermaphrodite when he/she/it goes on the trail underwater.
A couple twine together and either of them can be male or female before the courting is over, because they are equipped with both sets of genitalia during the three days of their lives.
I have not checked out this information but, somehow, I know that the wayfarer was telling us the pure truth.
And Johnjoe believed him, too. I am heading back to that bar next week.Ye will probably be hearing some of the yarns I will be blessed with before I get home.
