Denis Lehane: Looking forward to a turbine windfall
And it would seem wind turbine fever is spreading, with mention of a few more springing up close by in the near future.
It was sad to see the natural beauty of our countryside disappear, with the planting of such monsters. But in the words of former Minster for Energy and Natural Resources Pat Rabbitte, turbines bring jobs.
“Wind turbines bring jobs,” was Minister Rabbitte’s mantra — right up until he lost his own.
Like the proverbial sore thumb, wind turbines stick out and dwarf all around them, so it’s been like living in the land of Lilliput since their arrival.
But having said that, it’s not all bad news. And I for one haven’t spent my days crying since their arrival, I much prefer to look on the bright side.
For instance, since the arrival of the turbines, our television reception has gone bananas. But that was no real loss, as there was never much on anyway.
RTE now looks like something beamed from the moon. Sometimes the picture is so bad you’d be half expecting to hear, “Tis one small step for man, but a mighty leap for mankind.”
With the television gone haywire, now I have the opportunity to take up new and interesting hobbies like reading and knitting. Yerra, my life has been transformed. I’m much more content in myself.
Many people will ask about the racket wind turbines create. “Is the noise terrible?” they inquire. “Can you hear it from the bed?”
Well, the way I see it, silence is an overrated commodity in rural Ireland. If you ask me, there is nothing more pleasing to the ear than listening to a pack of wind turbines howl at three in the morning. It can really set a fellow up for the day ahead.
And of course, there’s the flicker effect. You hear people going crazy about the dreaded flicker.
We get the flicker from the turbines in this house on a summer’s evening.
Sometimes if the blades are spinning well, between the racket and the flicker, ’tis like being back at a disco in the eighties.
If I remember correctly, it used to cost me a fiver and upwards to get into a disco back then. Well we now have ‘Saturday Night Fever’ for free in our kitchen every day for the months of July and August.
With the height of lights flashing and noise, ’tis a wonder I don’t be asking my missus to take my hand for the slow set.
Indeed, I’ve grown mighty fond of the big ugly metal hoors. And I’d embrace them for sure, if only I had arms the length of Croke Park.
As if things couldn’t get any better, I heard recently that a turbine back in Kerry lost a blade, and another burst into flames.
Clearly, wind turbines aren’t as robust as your typical Irish farmer, and are finding rural Ireland a harsh environment.
Any morning, I could wake up to find a world of turbine debris scattered over my farm, it having blown in from nearby.
Looking on the bright side as I always do, I would fill my pickup to the brim with turbine debris, with great joy. And setting off to the scrap merchants, I would expect to be handsomely rewarded for my windfall.
Mark my words, one day, the wind turbines will be a money spinner for us all.
