Christmas excess in alternate Oirland
“We were surprised at just how little trade we were doing in Christmas parties at the start of the season.”
“We assumed as soon as we put up the decorations in June, we would get the punters,” commented former priest turned publican, Pat ‘The Priest’ Back, owner of the Spanish themed pub and tapas bar, Come On Senors.
“The whole commercial aspect of Christmas is forgotten by a lot of people. Increasingly, we hear of people treating the whole thing as some kind of bizarre religious festival.”
Pat noted that everyone and their aunt has their spare spaces rented out for office parties. “It is big business, Tommy Tickles has got out of the turkey insemination business to open up a function room with his aunt Pat.”
“It’s a cutthroat business,” opined Pat, who is still under strict bail conditions, after being arrested on suspicion of cutting the throat of one of his competitors last year during the now infamous Christmas office party which raged on the streets of Snugabheen for three days and six nights.
The aftermath was a scene of total devastation and carnage.
More than 10,000 plain ham and salad sandwiches were scraped off Main Street, people were finding empty vol-au-vent casings in their gardens for weeks afterwards. All because of a double booking and a contaminated batch of meths. Pat says the themed nights are now very popular with young companies trying to break with the traditional drinking and fighting format.
He does not see the notion of the office party dying off the way it has in some big cities.
“If anything, they are more popular than ever, last night we had a farmer come in with his livestock for a night out, his treat.”
“He reckoned it was only right to reward his “staff”, as he liked to call them. It was a bit of a quiet evening. They might all work with each other all year but, in a social situation, they found that they had very little in common. The fact they could not talk proved frustrating and you can’t give them drink, as they would wreck the place, especially the pigs, they don’t know how to behave but, at least, the farmer scored.”
