"Turns out organising a funeral remotely is greatly complicated by the fact that nobody has a spare suitcase of cash down the back of the sofa."

"Why? Because for all our céad míle fáilte, for all our international reputation for warm-heartedly putting the kettle on, I didn’t trust Ireland."

Expressing hatred for women remains tolerated and normalised.

You only have to look at those who have come out in Brand’s support to see where he has positioned himself politically

"Even when you adore your kids and live in peace, love and harmony with them — as most of us do, most of the time — there’s nothing quite like that deep exhalation when the door finally shuts behind them."

It can’t be fun for Róisín Murphy being piled upon, just as it can’t be fun for trans kids struggling with who they are versus what we expect them to be.

"Where is her son? Unlawfully detained in prison? Rotting in a dank cell somewhere? Captured by bandits? Erm, no. He’s the boss of Spanish football."

"We call it the trans ‘debate’, as we deem ourselves qualified to ‘debate’ the lived experiences of a tiny, tiny minority - a minority who, one suspects, would quite like to just get on with their lives..."

"Who eats Nutella for breakfast? The French, that’s who. And the Irish, when they’re there."

I’d rather die than go to Dubai, and the Canaries leave me cold