GameTech: The new video game 'I am Jesus Christ'

I am Jesus Christ! No, don’t worry, this writer’s ego isn’t quite that big. We won’t be turning water into wine. Rather, ‘I Am Jesus Christ’ is the name of a new game just announced on Steam.

The three wise men of Nintendo, Microsoft and Sony have been bypassed in this case, with I Am Jesus Christ preparing to launch on PC only in 2020. So, what’s the game about?

Strangely enough, it appears to do exactly as it describes. In the launch trailer, Jesus appears on screen, just long enough for the player to assume his vision and see the world in first-person perspective.

From there, a montage of gameplay begins in which the player performs miracles straight from the New Testament, including healing an old woman’s blindness, making fish appear in an empty bucket, walking on water and rolling away the boulder from his tomb.

While the graphics in the trailer are likely pre-rendered (meaning the scenes probably won’t look as good in the final game), there’s some lovely detail in the glimpses we see. When an old lady gets her vision restored, the look of happiness on her face is quite heart-warming.

And while the sudden appearance of fish in a bucket is harder to take seriously, the look of surprise on the witness in question is nicely animated. Nonetheless, there is no indication that I am Jesus Christ will be anything more than a simple ‘interactive story’ upon its release,especially considering the largely unknown publisher behind its development.

In terms of sensitivities, the question as to whether the game is harmless fun, or blasphemous and offensive is very much in the eye of the beholder.

FREE GUY

Meanwhile, it will take a miracle for someone to make a film that does video games justice. While our personal hopes lie with the Super Mario Bros animated feature coming next year, Ryan Reynolds will be taking his shot with Free Guy.

The trailer for Free Guy released this week and at first it appears to be a ‘superhero’ movie, with explosions and heroes flying all over a city. Soon into the trailer, however, it becomes apparent that the role Reynolds plays is actually a non-player character (NPC) in a video game world.

He laments that there “should be more to life than carnage and chaos”, which is the equivalent of normality for him. Towards the end of the trailer, he receives a pair of glasses that show him the ‘statistics’ of the world and allow him to fight back against the carnage of the ‘players’ invading his city.

In short, Free Guy appears to be a mixture of Deadpool and Grand Theft Auto Online, with Reynolds playing an NPC. Interesting concept, but the trailer didn’t sell us.

TABLE MANNERS

Finally, many of us would stay ‘free guys’ if our dates ended up like those in Table Manners. Another game announced for early 2020, Table Manners places you across the dinner table from a digital date that you chose from a list, Tinder style. While the dates aren’t real people, the resulting cringe seems pretty hilarious regardless.

You see, Table Manners is a ‘physics-based’ game, meaning the challenge comes from controlling your barely functioning limbs, just like Surgeon Simulator before it.Imagine a drunk octopus typing on a keyboard and you’ll get the idea.

The trailer shows players causing havoc as they attempt (and fail) to pour wine, light candles, feed their dates fish on a spoon and cut bread. At one point, a date on a swaying boat appears to increase the challenge further.

Table Manners should be good for a laugh when it releases early next year. Just don’t try it at the Last Supper.