Your guide to the perfect Electric Picnic
WE all know the official advice. Bring your ticket, drink responsibly, enjoy safe sex and take a raincheck on that offer of a full back tattoo at 3am. But what about the nitty-gritty nuggets… the stuff you really need to know?
As summer festivals go, Electric Picnic is smaller and more sophisticated than most (bell tents and organic burgers are just the start of it), but it still gathers thousands of people into one place, so a little insider intel goes a long way.
Courtesy of a host of festival fans and EP veterans, here are the do’s and don’ts that could really make a difference between a good picnic, and a great one.
- DO car pool. Or use public transport. If everybody drove to Stradbally, it would be called the Electric Parking Lot. Travel smarts, people!
- DON’T forget the opening and closing times. Early birds may catch the worm, but they won’t be allowed into the camping site before 9am on Friday. Queuing is not permitted Thursday night, and camps close at 1pm on Monday.
- DO bring your A-game. If not now, when?
- DON’T forget your ticket. It sounds obvious, but admission is by full ticket only. Without it, prepare for the festival’s worst walk of shame.
- DO make a checklist. “Even if you feel silly writing the obvious on a piece of paper… tent, sleeping bag, water, ticket... it’s great peace of mind to have a quick look at that list before you head out the door,” the festival publicity team says.
- DON’T rely on the weather forecast. Bring sunscreen and a hat, as well as wellies and light waterproofs (eg a poncho). You know it makes sense.
- DO pack ear-plugs (if you plan on sleeping), a waterproof bag (for phones, wallets, chargers and toilet paper) and photo ID (the bar staff would love to believe you’re over 18, but it’s hard to tell when you’re rocking that Morphsuit).
- DON’T pack legal or illegal highs, camping gas canisters, petrol generators or pro cameras and recording equipment. All are strict no-nos at the Picnic.
- DO bring a torch. Guide ropes and tent pegs can be lethal in campsites. A head-torch is hands-free, plus you’ll do an ace Orbital impression.
- DON’T forget your stash. Pints of beer are pricey on site, but campers are permitted to bring up to 48 cans each (bottles are prohibited). If you want to be super-fancy, you can advance order from the on-site off-licence.
- DO bring water. There are drinking water points throughout the site, but it’s better to be safe than sorry — a five-litre bottle should be ample cover. Add sun, alcohol and bad dancing to the mix and re-hydrating becomes extra important.
- DON’T bring a cheap tent. Yes, you’ll live. But you will also get wet, smell like a dead cat and wreck the environment when you leave it behind. A decent tent keeps you dry, and should be fit and ready to go again for EP 2014.
- DO consider treating yourself... to a pre-pitched tent (pinkmooncamping.co.uk; from €165 for two), yurt (cloudhouses.net; hearthworks.co.uk; from €375 for two) or festihut (festihutireland.com; €750 for up to four people). Failing that, bring a blowup mattress — a simple but sensational pleasure after dancing all day.
- DON’T forget baby wipes (you can thank us for that one afterwards) and loo roll. Better still, join the festival glamazons for a little TLC at the Pamper Palace.
- DO keep a spare pair of socks and trousers in the car. You won’t believe how luxurious they’ll feel on Monday morning.
- DON’T pitch your tent near a Portaloo. Erm, obviously.
- DO prepare yourself for life after mobile phones. Every festival arrives with some novelty tent touting itself as the solution to all your techie problems (the Vodafone Recharge Tent is free to Vodafone customers, and there will be separate charging units in the Jimmy Hendrix and Oscar Wilde campsites), but they invariably end up with massive queues. Use your phone as little as possible to save power, and arrange times and places to meet once it finally dies.
- DON’T remove your wristband. No matter how itchy it gets, no matter how badly it catches in a stranger’s hair when Fatboy Slim cranks ‘Praise You’ up to 11, you need it to get around the festival site. No wristband, no access.
- DO see as much as possible. By all means have a plan of attack and a list of bands to see. But leave at least some of it up to chance. Smaller stages, unusual hours, gut instincts… they could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
- DON’T top out that human pyramid. Like crowd surf and moshing, pyramids are forbidden at EP, and stewards can eject offenders without a refund. Boo!
- DO take the long-way round. If you’re at the back of the crowd, and you want to get to the front of the crowd, it makes sense to go around the crowd, rather than straight through the crowd. Got it? Trust us.
- DON’T go mud-surfing. “You may get your photo in the papers, but you’ll be caked in dry sh*t for days,” XFM advises. “And it’ll get everywhere. Everywhere.”
- DO anticipate manky toilets. EP is going to great lengths with hi-tech ‘PolyJohns’ in 2013, even promising round-the-clock servicing. But the First Law of Festival Physics states that loos deteriorate in direct proportion to the use they receive. And they receive A LOT of use. Day 1: “Actually, these Portaloos aren’t that bad…” Day 2: “Do you think they’d lend us some rush reed from the craft village?” Day 3: “OMG it’s like zombie soup WTF why did I wear a onesie HELP!” Etc.
- DON’T forget condoms. What is this, Woodstock?
Electric Picnic is family-friendly, up to a point. Children under 12 go free with their parents, but those aged between 12 and 18 fall between stools. No Under 18s are allowed, even with a parent or guardian.
EP provides a specially-designed family campsite with parking closer to tents and far less rowdiness at night. Don’t even think about sleeping anywhere else.
Tag your kids on arrival. Write your phone number on their wristband, and prepare them for what to do if you get separated (i.e. stay where they are, without moving or going with anyone until a garda or steward approaches them). If you lose a child, or encounter a lost child, notify a steward immediately.
The cut-off times for returning to the family campsite via the walled garden are midnight (Friday, Sunday) and 2am (Saturday). After these times, families can only return to their campsite via Arena Entrance 1 beside Fossett’s Circus.
NB. A dedicated camping/parking area for people with disabilities is also available; vehicles should display a blue badge for entry to this area.
For more info on Electric Picnic (Aug. 30 — Sept 1), see electricpicnic.ie. Weekend tickets cost €229.50, incl. camping. Sunday tickets €85.
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