The diary of a Holy Communion mum

ON my Communion Day, I was handed my dress.

That’s what I would be wearing. No questions. No discussion. Done deal.

It didn’t matter that I was twice the size — and half the height — of the older sister who had worn it four years before me.

This was 1980s Ireland. Hand-me-downs were a way of life.

But I was lucky. It was a beautiful broderie anglaise dress, handmade by my mother. Even if I had been given a choice, I would have wanted it.

Roll on 20 years and my own daughter’s Communion Day is approaching.

The sentimental, dreamy romantic in me would love to see her wear my dress, hand-stitched by her grandmother nearly three decades earlier.

Back in the real world, though, a land of Katy Perry and The Disney Channel, my nostalgic notions would be met with a raised eyebrow.

My daughter wants a say in her dress — not because she lives in a home that’s too child focused, or that gives into her every whim. There’s actually a very practical reason.

We were seven when we made our Communions — our photos were all gummy, toothless grins. Today the kids are 8. And those 12 months are very significant developmentally. Eight year olds have a voice. And they want it to be heard.

Of course, that’s not to say my daughter will dictate her Communion Day. The dress is a decision we will both make, with me — the one handing over the hard cash — having the final say.

Nothing echoes the changes in Irish society quite like the First Holy Communion. From the stark 80s, to the heady days of the Tiger, we have come full circle.

There are always the families who will go all out — bling dresses, hoops so mammoth the child cannot sit, glass carriages to transport the child to the church. Those people always have — and always will — exist. The boom, though, saw chunks of this lavish excess adopted by ordinary families. Gel nails and fake tans were no longer just urban myths discussed by mothers at the school gates. Appointments were made — little girls actually went to beauty salons.

As for the dresses, prices soared.

Thankfully, we have come back to earth. At the most, a child will have their hair prepped by a hairdresser on Communion morning. Their skin remains pale and Irish, like it should be.

And we are spending less too. In 2011, an Ulster Bank survey found the whole day cost €967. Last year it was €713.

So far, so normal, I thought, as I began my foray into the world of the Irish Communion.

And then a personalised invite, addressed to myself and my daughter, arrived on my doorstep. It was, in effect, a wedding invitation, wrapped in a bright pink satin ribbon — except it was for an “exclusive viewing” at the “Communion Dress Rooms” of a Cork boutique. This was back in November, six months before the big day.

The madness hasn’t gone away, I thought.

I swallowed my cynicism and took the shop — Laura’s boutique, a bit of an institution in Cork for Communion season — up on its offer, if only to see what could justify such an elaborate gesture.

And slowly my scepticism began to disappear.

The invites are sent to make the child feel special, the owner explained. And looking at my daughter’s reaction, she was right. There was no pressure to buy — instead it was a way to see what really suited my daughter. Years in the business, the sales assistant looked at me, looked at my child and said, “I have your dress”. She was spot on, it was perfect, right down to the head dress. It was a lovely experience for us both.

Laura’s dresses start at €199 and go as high as €500 for hand made, made-to-order gowns. Brown Thomas also stocks a line of Nicki Macfarlane dresses, the designer of Kate Middleton’s flower girl dresses, priced from €275 to €395. Bespoke dresses start at €550.

Of course, I’m not judging. It’s all well and good to spend €400 on a designer Communion dress if you have the money. But truth is, most of us don’t. And there’s no government grant to buffer the blow for those most in need anymore.

Thankfully, these days boutiques aren’t the only option for Communion wear.

Debenhams has a huge range of designer dresses from Pearce Fionda, ranging in price from €100 to around €120. Other average price tags include veils for €25, shoes from €22.50, with bags and gloves for around €15. Cheaper still are its Tigerlily range, with some dresses coming in around €50. TK Maxx also has a line of affordable dresses.

But from a price perspective, Dunnes is one of the stars on the high street. Its Paul Costello dresses start at €55, with veils just €15 and gloves €10. And another money-saving tip. For kids making their Communions next year, parents should check out Debenhams sale after May, when dresses drop to around €45.

We lined up four dresses ranging from €55 to €395 for our Communion photo shoot, just to give a full flavour of what’s out there. And of course we couldn’t forget the boys. A lot of schools request they wear their uniforms. Otherwise there’s the option of a suit or a smart casual outfit, definitely the affordable choice. The Debenhams blazer, trousers and shirt, for example, cost €130 — more than many of the dresses.

Still, the madness hasn’t completely gone. The stores I visited told me of parents who requested lists of dresses bought by their children’s classmates — so they wouldn’t clash. Then there were the friends of friends who told me of eight year olds waiting for the ‘new season stock’ to arrive before they could choose their dress.

It’s those stories that make you yearn for the days of 80s hand-me-downs.

WHAT WE SPEND

* The average family spent €713 on Communions in 2013, compared to €744 in 2012 (down 4%) and €967 in 2011.

€163 on average was spent on a suit or dress including accessories, compared to €179 last year (down 9%).

€190 was spent on clothing for rest of family, up 8%.

€291 was used for food compared to €303 in 2012

€69 on entertainment, down 20%.

* Kids get an average of €521, an increase from €432 in 2012

The most popular items bought with their Communion money are video games (42%), followed closely by toys (37%) and clothes (35%). 10% of children had not spent any of their Communion money and opted to save it instead.

* 88% of parents were in a position to pay for their child’s First Holy Communion with their own savings (up 6% from 2012). Fewer parents (5%) took out a loan compared to last year however of those who did, the average sum borrowed has more than doubled from €343 to €837.50.

(Ulster Bank survey)

MONEY-SAVING TIPS

* Save — just like Christmas do a year-long manage. If your child is making their communion in 2015, then try to save €50 a month from the childre’s allowance in a post office savings account.

* If your child is making their communion in 2015, check out the sales. After this year’s Communions, go to a store like Debenhams where you can pick up a dress for a third of the price. The same applies to outfits for siblings. But a word of warning — shoes can’t be bought too far in advance for growing feet.

* Save money and don’t eat out — have a party at home instead. The more the merrier.