Tips for coping when the love runs dry

PITY Sharon Osbourne, 60, photographed last month looking sad, as she holidayed alone at an exclusive Mexican resort, amid rumours that her 31-year marriage to rock star, Ozzy, was on the rocks after he relapsed back into prescription drug and alcohol addiction.

A spokesman confirmed that Sharon and Ozzy were living in separate houses, two miles apart, because of their work schedules.

‘The grey divorce’, the phenomenon of older couples separating, is on the increase. In Ireland, which has the lowest number of divorces in the EU, middle-aged couples have the fastest growing break-up rate, accounting for one in five separations.

Lisa O’Hara, a counsellor with Relationship Ireland, says there are a number of reasons for this trend, from people’s expectations changing, to the recession, and the empty-nest syndrome. Parents neglect romance, not going on dates nor buying gifts for each other, says O’Hara.

“Needs also change as you get older. You may find a mother, who had previously stayed at home, wanting to get back into the workplace, while her husband may be looking to slow down. So there is a conflict,’’ she says.

Mary Johnston, acting co-ordinator of counselling services with Accord, urges couples to seek professional help. “A counselling room can be a safe place to try and talk about what has upset them. Discussing the problem at home can get out of hand, sometimes making them angry or resulting in very little communication, ignoring each other,’’ she says.

O’Hara says that counselling can help a couple to “renegotiate’’ their relationship and discover what they still have in common. “Is there enough [love] still between them, is there enough friendship? Perhaps the passion that was there when they were younger has now been replaced by something else. Is that a problem?

“There is a myth that people in their 50s and 60s aren’t sexually active, which is so wrong,” she says.

If the couple separates, both counsellors say it is important to acknowledge the effect on the family, especially children, must be considered. The couple should be civil.

Actress Jane Seymour, 62, is a good example. Just days after announcing the end of her 20-year marriage, last month, posed happily for the cameras with her soon-to be ex-husband, James Keach. The couple is determined to “continue their relationship as devoted parents to their children, as business associates and partners”. Advice worth following.

“At any family occasion, you need to put your own personal grievances to one side. You have to be the parent. It takes an awful lot of courage and determination to get through it, it is not easy,’’ says O’Hara.

Don’t let a divorce put you off meeting someone new. Following the break-up of her 25-year marriage to Lenny Henry, in 2010, comedienne Dawn French, 55, thought dating someone new would be “repulsive, excruciating and difficult”. But, last month, Dawn married charity boss, Mark Bignell, 49.