Helping kids cope with a new school
The parents will be proud to see their ‘baby’ heading off with the older children to ‘big school’, but also will be sad — the momentous day is the end of an era. Leo Boyle, from Ennis, Co Clare, is the youngest of four boys and although he is excited about his enrolment, his mother, Judy, has mixed emotions.
“Leo will be four years and eight months when he starts school in September,” says Judy. “As it turns out, he will be older than my other boys were when starting school and, although it is only by a month or two, it means that I have no qualms about him being too young, as the others were well ready at that age.
“But the thought of him going to school is somewhat more poignant (for me, not him, I hasten to add), because the fact that he is the youngest seems that I suddenly will have no baby anymore. However, there is no comparison to when my eldest, Joe, started school — I felt so much anxiety, worrying about whether he would settle in ok, that I did exactly what I was told not to do and sneaked back for a look in the window, to see if he had settled.
“To put it mildly, he hadn’t — and, unfortunately, he spotted me, which made the situation much worse. Subsequently, for my other boys, Eoghan and Diarmuid, I dropped and settled them on their first day, and left as quickly as possible.”
Leo has no worries, so that makes it easier. “He is really looking forward to starting school, as he thinks this will make him a ‘big boy’ like his brothers,” she says. “We have bought his books, organised his pencil case, and as for his uniforms, he will be wearing hand-me-downs from his brothers, so we don’t have to worry about that. Both he and I have met his lovely new teacher, who made a great impression on him.
“And I don’t think we will give him much advice before he starts, because I think a low-key approach has worked well for us in the past and we can deal with any little problems, if they come up.
“So, really, I have no major anxieties, apart from the fact that time will now go by so fast and they will all grow up too quickly. Mind you, it will leave me free in the mornings to increase my part-time hours at work.”
Fionn O’Connor, from Trim, in Co Meath, is starting secondary school in September and mum, Una — who also has two other children, Aaron (10) and Ella (6) — says while she is happy he is moving on, she is nervous about her eldest attending a bigger school.
“I’m both excited and nervous for Fionn,” she says. “I’m excited, as I know this is the beginning of a whole new experience for which he is so ready to embrace. But I am nervous, as he leaves behind a wonderful country school with a nurturing and protected environment, to a school of over 1,000 kids where he knows no one.
“In primary school, his teacher guided and protected him for his first few weeks, whereas, in secondary, he enters a whole new experience as a teenager, where he will be drawn to new influences and challenges.
“I know Fionn is well-prepared and ready to embrace the exciting road ahead, but I hope he meets good, solid friends, as I know, from experience, these will be hugely influential in his development.
“However, I do know he is ready for the next stage in his life. We have spent the past eight years preparing him for this and we know he is now ready.”
Fionn, 12, also has mixed feelings about his new venture, in particular the amount of homework. “I am excited about starting secondary school, but since I’m leaving behind all my good friends, I’m also kind of sad and nervous, at the same time — particularly about all the subjects that I have to do and whether or not I will have enough time to do my homework and my extra activities,” he says.
“I know my time is up in primary, but although I am nervous about starting all over again, I am also looking forward to learning new subjects and meeting new people.”
Child psychologist, David Carey, says everybody is anxious trying something new, but most children will settle into the routine without much difficulty.
“The human brain does not like anything new and unexpected, as it is perceived as a possible threat,” he says. “That is why transitions into the unknown are difficult for us, no matter how old we may be. Children entering school are faced with a new world of expectations, behavioural demands and responsibilities. After being the darlings of their parents, they are suddenly lost in a crowd of children who are required to conform to unfamiliar rules.
“Strangers, called teachers, begin to order them to do things and this unfamiliarity causes stress. Parents also experience stress that their children will have difficulty adjusting to this new environment and some families will experience separation anxiety. This worry is characterised by concerns that harm will come to the child; or the child worries that harm will come to the parents.
“However, while some may find the transition difficult, most children and parents adjust easily and there is no reason for undue worry. The vast majority of children make a smooth and easy transition.”
The psychologist says that while most children don’t need special advice before starting school, some may be reassured by a visit to their classroom, and a meeting with their teacher, before the term begins.
“The average child requires no preparation for the move to school,” says Carey. “The sensible thing is to tell your child you are happy they are going into school, because they will learn new skills, make new friends, and meet new teachers who are there to help them.
“But if a child is anxious about the move to school, the most sensible thing you can do is to reduce the stress of the unexpected, by asking if you can visit the school with the child to introduce him to the principal and teacher, and visit the classroom. The more you can reduce the unexpected, the greater the chance your child will have a smooth transition. Parents don’t need to be unduly concerned about the transition from home to school. It is a natural progression and most children cope with it well.”
There is also anxiety for children transitioning from primary to secondary school, but Dr Carey says there should be no need for concern. “With regard to the move to secondary school, the same general principles apply,” he says. “It’s a natural transition and, although there is always some anxiety about the unknown, the vast majority of children deal with it well. Some children, especially those who are vulnerable or have learning difficulties, may be anxious about it. In this instance, I would also advise parents to visit the school with their child, meet the year-head, the principal and a teacher if you can. The more you increase predictability the more you reduce anxiety.”
www.davidcarey.com
