Don’t worry be happy
THE world is divided into two camps. (Just two, it’s scientifically proven.) Those who think that ‘Blue Monday’ is a great electro song by New Order, and those who think it’s ‘officially’ the most depressing day of the year.
If you fall into the latter category, then you might want to get out more.
Stop believing in pseudoscience.
The rationale behind it is as reliable as an election promise.
This whole ‘Blue Monday’ thing was dreamed up as part of an ad campaign by a UK company called Sky Travel to shift a few hols in the bleak mid-winter.
It’s hogwash.
That said, most of us are still whining the post-Crimbo blues. So, Blue Monday aside, here is your authoritative cut-out-and-keep guide to Being Happy Despite All This Wintry Crappiness.
And there’s real science behind each of the following.
So you’ve no excuse to feel depressed. Right?
Different colours affect your mood. White is sterile and clean.
Black is sleep and death, green is eco-friendly and yellow is fresh and sunny (it’s also the colour of madness).
Red is danger and sex. Or dangerous sex. If you ever see a red flag on a cliff it means ‘don’t have sex here’.
Is there a colour for happiness? A study by the University of Sussex has found that staring at blue sends our “self confidence soaring, cuts stress, and boosts happiness”. Our fondness for blue is a primal thing.
It’s the colour of the afternoon and evening sky, linking the feeling of having had a productive day with thoughts of a good night’s kip.
Seeing blue makes you happy.
Unless you’re a Cork football fan watching the Dubs destroy your team. (Sorry, couldn’t resist it.)
Music activates so many parts of our brain that it doesn’t have a single ‘song centre’, where tunes are processed.
If you’re interested in learning more about this, Google ‘music, Broca’s and Wernicke’s areas, visual/motor cortex and cerebellum’.
If not, read on.
Imaging studies show that songs we expect to be happy activate the reward centres of the brain, releasing dopamine.
Music gives us the same ‘hit’ that we would get from drugs or sex. So sing: it makes you happy, without getting you hooked on dope. Or pregnant.
It may seem counter-intuitive, but those few hours of silly bliss are outweighed by the depressive effects of alcohol.
According to the HSE, in 2006/2007 booze was a factor in 41% of all cases of deliberate self-harm. Sobering thought, isn’t it?
The Royal Society of Psychiatrists in the UK recommends having three booze-free days a week to boost your happiness levels.
Better still, stop altogether. After you buy your round, of course.
Lepping about is exceptionally good for your morale, as dancing releases endorphins and seratonin in the brain.
It’s such a good morale-booster, that it was used as a secret weapon in World War II.
Colonel John Coldwell-Horsfall kept his soldiers happy on the long journey from Scotland to north Africa in 1942 by making them ceilí dance The Walls of Limerick (Fallaí Luimní) for an hour a day.
It keeps you fit too: an hour doing The Walls of Limerick burns off 600 calories — almost twice as much as ‘aerobics’ (350).
Come to think of it, Irish dancing is not unlike the Nazi goose-step.
Picture it: eyes straight ahead, arms down by the sides, legs high-kicking.
Did Hitler ever visit the Gaeltacht?
According to Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania, people who write down three good things that happened to them during the day, are happier than the rest of us.
The Seligman study states that the good things can be really small, like someone smiling at you.
Or your wife not punching you in the face for looking so annoyingly happy as you scribble in your notebook at bedtime.
Try it. Just don’t pare your pencil in bed.
Remember how, as a child, looking forward to Christmas morning was actually more fun than its arrival (or was that just me?).
According to scientists, the anticipation of happiness makes you happy.
Studies show that humans enjoy delaying an enjoyable event.
Just looking forward to stuffing your greedy face with Hobnobs raises your seratonin levels.
Handy tip: Look forward to finishing this article. That will make you happy.
University of Wisconsin neuroscientist Richard Davidson has found that working towards a goal actively suppresses negative emotions and boosts happiness levels.
But what if you don’t achieve your goal? That will make you sad, right? Just set another goal. One to get over the sadness you feel at not achieving your previous goal might help.
According to the latest research, jumping in a lake or taking a break from your routine can make you happier. Stimulating our brain waves by going on mini-adventures or learning new things keeps memory and motor skills intact as we grow older.
Just changing the supermarket you shop in can make you sharper.
Churchgoers are happier than non-religious people. That’s according to Professor Bruce Headey of the University of Melbourne. (Seriously, he’s Australian and his name really is ‘Bruce’.)
Bruce researched happiness levels among a group of people for 25 years, and found that churchgoers were happier — and slimmer — than non-believers.
A study by British company Yeo Valley has found that adults who sleep for six hours and 15 minutes a night rank among the happiest people. Apparently the 15 minutes is critical.
Those who had only slept for six hours, tore up the questionnaire and smacked the researcher around the place. Apparently.
Pretending to be happy when you really feel like buying an AK47 and marching on the Dáil, is good for your mental welfare.
Studies show that the physical act of smiling can cause people to experience happy feelings.
You know the old chestnut about it taking less muscles to smile than it does to frown? Well, it’s rubbish.
No-one knows how many it takes as we don’t all have the same amount of facial muscles. (The average number is 43.) However, forcing yourself to smile fools your head into thinking you’re in a good mood.
Handy Tip (2): Don’t try this at funerals.
Ladies, see that yoke staring at you across the breakfast table? Believe it or not, he’s making you happy.
According to a study from Cornell University, spouses have the highest sense of well-being whether they are happily married or not.
Just ask my wife. The lucky thing.
A study published in the Psychological Bulletin has found that spending money on others makes you feel happier. That may sound more ‘psycho’ than ‘logical’, but apparently it’s true.
The study said “the happiest people were the biggest givers, no matter what they earned”.
Here’s the really good bit: you’re giving your money away to bankers and bondholders every minute of the day.
So tell me, why aren’t you smiling?
