Breaking the habit of her youth

WHEN Eleanor Stewart was 18 years old, she joined the nuns. This was a strange choice for the fun-loving girl from Portsmouth, who had relationships with boys, and who wasn’t devout.

“My mother, a convert, dragged me to Mass, but I certainly wasn’t pious,” says Eleanor.

Why enter a convent, especially when the 1960s were starting to swing?

“I believed in God, and I felt exhilarated at the idea that I might have a vocation. I had to find out if I had. I considered it a big adventure.

“When I joined, and went off to France, it was all so romantic. We were giving up our possessions, and the possibility of marriage, for love. I thought pledging my love to God was wonderful. I still think it’s wonderful, even though I’m not doing it anymore.”

The film, The Nun’s Story, chronicled the difficulties of the life, as have books; but Sister Eleanor had a brighter experience.

When Eleanor read Through the Narrow Gate, ex-nun Karen Armstrong’s account of near-abuse and misery, she decided to pen a memoir of her own.

Kicking the Habit shows that life in a community of religious women has its difficulties and deprivations; but times of fun and joy, too.

“The nuns in my community were dynamic, committed, intelligent women. There were a few loose cannons, but most were good, devoted and hard-working. They were striving to do their best to serve God in their chosen way of life.”

For all that, Sister Eleanor had trouble adapting. Giggly and extrovert, she liked to be noticed, and was always in trouble for showing off. It was a shock, on entering, to learn that she could have a bath and change her underwear just once a week. And as for the recyclable, cloth sanitary towels — they caused both hilarity and grief. Then, there was the chemise, worn between their underwear and their habit.

“We wore that day-and-night for a week. It was supposed to be good for the soul,” she says.

After taking her vows, Eleanor slumped into a mini-depression. She recovered, but was sent back to England, and she missed the comparative warmth of the French community. After a miserable spell in Manchester, she was sent to Liverpool to train as a nurse.

“I was horrified,” she says. “I thought I’d be totally unsuited, but I loved the training.

“The hours were tough; we did three months of night duty, and we often missed Mass. But Mother Henrietta, the nun in charge, was always understanding.” It was while training as a midwife that the doubts surfaced.

“It was the babies; and the whole atmosphere of fertility that surrounded midwifery. I began to yearn for a baby of my own. That feeling was exacerbated when I worked on the district, and saw babies with their families.

“I was about to take my midwifery exam, part one. I spoke to Mother Henrietta, and she said, ‘of course you want a baby. You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t, and this is a testing time. Your sacrifice to God is all the greater because you really see what you are giving up’,” Eleanor says.

“She asked if returning to France would help me. She said, ‘you are a valuable member of the order. We don’t want to lose you.’ She then advised me to finish my midwifery training; to take my part-two exams; and then to decide. I agreed, and before my exams, I asked for a retreat.

“I told the priest that I loved the community, that I thought the vows were wonderful, and he said, ‘I hear a ‘but’ coming.’

He said: ‘I think you have lost the religious spirit.’

I began to cry. But he was right. Soon afterwards, I decided to leave.

“The nuns took me clothes shopping, and Mother Henrietta saw me off. She said: ‘I know you want a baby, but try and get a husband first. It’s neater’.”

Always impulsive, Eleanor threw herself into a life of freedom. After a spell living with her mother, she moved into a flat. “And I wasn’t wise,” she says.

A series of boyfriends led to a nasty dose of chlamydia. So when Eleanor fell in love and married, there was just one ectopic pregnancy, then infertility.

“We adopted a girl, then a boy. They are beautiful. And now I’m a grandmother.”

All these years later, Eleanor still keeps up contact with the nuns.

“I’ve taken my husband and children to see them in France and in Liverpool,” she says.

“I was invited back when the congregation celebrated their 300-year anniversary. A part of me will always be Sister Eleanor.”

* Kicking the Habit, by Eleanor Stewart, is published by Lion Books, at €12.99.