Christmas crackers
Forget the Civil War, Saipan or Fianna Fáil — the real divisive force in Irish society in recent centuries has been the Killinaskully Christmas special. Every year, critics (ahem) and a significant chunk of the viewing public would scoff at Pat Shortt’s creation, but the shows regularly turned out to be the most watched programmes on Dec 25. Yes, the 28 minutes occupied a handy evening slot — the sandwiches were eaten, but we hadn’t yet settled down for the party games — but to attract around 800,000 viewers, there must have been something else going on. Perhaps people even liked it. Over the years, we were treated/subjected to a skit on the Emergency, a version of A Christmas Carol in which Dan was visited by three ghosts and a concert in which the real live Saw Doctors played in the village. By Christmas 2008, the show had dropped to fourth place in the day’s ratings and we haven’t seen it since.
The annual misery-fest of the EastEnders specials are the perfect antidote to all this cheeriness and goodwill. Lest you forget how awful life really is, the inhabitants of Walford will crash your Christmas party with plot lines involving kidnapping, domestic violence and murder. And that’s just the cheerier episodes. The creators broke all sorts of viewing records on Christmas Day, 1986 when Dirty Den presented Angie with her divorce papers, and they’ve been celebrating all things bah-humbug ever since. This avalanche of despair and suffering can hit people in two ways: it’ll either suck the life out of you, or else act as a timely reminder that, no matter how bad your own life is, there’s always someone on Eastenders whose life is worse off. Incidentally this year’s episode will see Alfie’s heart broken.
Given that we’ve only had one of them, it’s quite a feat that the Downton Abbey Christmas special already feels like such an appropriate and well-established part of our seasonal viewing. Last year’s was solid rather than spectacular, but one would echo the Earl of Grantham’s own sentiments in believing that, in such a tumultuous era, one should be thankful that some things can still be relied upon. Hear, hear.
The first series of the subversive animation introduced us to the character of Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo in 1997, and it remains one of the classic episodes. In a masterful send-up of political correctness, we see how Jewish character Kyle feels excluded during Christmas, and the hilarious singing poo emerges to comfort him.
A Christmassy Ted would never rank among the greatest episodes of the classic comedy, mostly because an hour-long show was always going to be a tough task in comparison with the usual shorter format. But this 1996 broadcast came at the height of the popularity of Dermot Morgan and co, and was a really big deal in both Britain and Ireland. Perhaps the most memorable scene was Ted and Dougal inadvertently wandering in the lingerie section of a department store.
After the disapointment of Ricky Gervais’s seasonal special of The Office, it was to be expected that many of us would approach this 2007 oneoff with low expectations. How wrong we were. Gervais not only managed to get in some great gags, he also created a poignant reflection on show business and attendant issues such as the fleetingness of fame. His Andy character had made it at last, but was dissatisfied with just being known for his famous catchphrase ‘Are you having a laugh?’ and wants to become a serious actor. It all goes pear-shaped and he spirals down the entertainment ladder to where he has to suffer the ultimate ignominy of resorting to an appearance on Celebrity Big Brother.
Watch out for repeats — apart from series one of The Office, this is possibly the best thing Gervais has done.
Back in 2004, when Shameless still ranked as one of the greatest ever TV shows, we were introduced to the second series with an episode entitled ‘A Christmas In Chatsworth’. Amidst all the madness on the infamous estate, perhaps the most memorable bit was the snow-filled scene of the pub forecourt. As the camera zooms in, we notice a little patch of yellow spreading in the vast whiteness.
Yes, it’s Frank Gallagher asleep under a pile of snow, and he’s pissed himself.
Agnes Brown organises her own version of the Nativity play in the community centre, despite opposition from the local priest. Two Christmas episodes mark the beginning of series three.
Sequel to the 1982 adaptation of Raymond Briggs’s iconic children’s book. Unfortunately, singer Aled Jones can’t quite hit those high notes since his voice broke, but Briggs is back involved.
A two-hour show on ITV won’t have a Christmas tree in sight. Set in summer, the family and their staff leave their usual haunt to spend a holiday in the highlands of Scotland.
An abandoned baby is discovered on the steps of the convent, and the whole community rallies round to provide food and clothing and to try to trace his mother. By all accounts, a tear-jerking episode of the excellent drama.
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